m South Carolina. It was true
that with what little aristocracy we boasted--and in that little there
was truly a great blessing, inasmuch as it illustrated the fact of
there being one spot on this earth where common sense had got the
better of refined sense--was founded in the possession of 'niggers,'
the number giving rank in the scale. In the small but very
aristocratic atmosphere of democratic South Carolina it had been
proposed to establish an order of the American garter, the means
entitling to membership being the possession of a very large number of
fat negroes and negresses: and to ingratiate the august order it was
proposed to make Colonel Wade Hampton first knight, and Lady Tyler
first knightess. The reader, Mr. Smooth feels assured, will pardon
this little digression, which he will set down to my love for that
darling little State.

"I soon muddled my way along with the crowd, among which there were
very long faces, very short faces, and faces from which nothing could
be extracted--the comic faces always kept behind! As a matter of
policy I got behind the man who had the longest and most quizzical
face; for he gave out signs of seeing daylight through political
darkness. I made his acquaintance, and found him of the free-and-easy
school. 'On your way to see the General, stranger?' I inquired, edging
up to him in a polite sort of way--at the same time keeping up the
free-and-easy. 'No,' he answered with a laconic air, and a half
significant shrug of the shoulder, 'I'm merely strolling this way,
leisurely contemplating. I take it you have not been long in the
Capital?' he added. 'You are right on that point, citizen,' said I in
return.

"'Expecting a good appointment?' he continued to inquire,
philosophically. 'Well, it may be: s'pose you're in for a
Ministership, if you come out a martyr,' I replied, adding a Western
wink which is given with both eyes. He very good-naturedly
acknowledged that I had hit the mark, gave me his arm, said we must
look in somewhere by the way-side and taste a small drop of Young
American whiskey, which would have the effect of making stronger our
friendship. This we did, drinking a good time to Mr. Pierce. No sooner
was the whiskey down than all his ideas came straight up. He said he
was none of yer small fry;--like thunder he had stumped it for General
Pierce; like electricity he had down in Georgia and Western Alabama
carried everything for true democracy. 'Reckon Mr. Smooth ne