ned on my
part, except my departure from the Hermitage, of which she felt the
necessity. Therefore, not knowing whence this coolness, which she
refused to acknowledge, although my heart was not to be deceived, could
proceed, I was uneasy upon every account. I knew she greatly favored her
sister-in-law and Grimm, in consequence of their connections with Saint
Lambert; and I was afraid of their machinations. This agitation opened
my wounds, and rendered my correspondence so disagreeable as quite to
disgust her with it. I saw, as at a distance, a thousand cruel
circumstances, without discovering anything distinctly. I was in a
situation the most insupportable to a man whose imagination is easily
heated. Had I been quite retired from the world, and known nothing of
the matter I should have become more calm; but my heart still clung to
attachments, by means of which my enemies had great advantages over me;
and the feeble rays which penetrated my asylum conveyed to me nothing
more than a knowledge of the blackness of the mysteries which were
concealed from my eyes.

I should have sunk, I have not a doubt of it, under these torments, too
cruel and insupportable to my open disposition, which, by the
impossibility of concealing my sentiments, makes me fear everything from
those concealed from me, if fortunately objects sufficiently interesting
to my heart to divert it from others with which, in spite of myself, my
imagination was filled, had not presented themselves. In the last visit
Diderot paid me, at the Hermitage, he had spoken of the article 'Geneva',
which D'Alembert had inserted in the 'Encyclopedie'; he had informed me
that this article, concerted with people of the first consideration, had
for object the establishment of a theatre at Geneva, that measures had
been taken accordingly, and that the establishment would soon take place.
As Diderot seemed to think all this very proper, and did not doubt of the
success of the measure, and as I had besides to speak to him upon too
many other subjects to touch upon that article, I made him no answer: but
scandalized at these preparatives to corruption and licentiousness in my
country, I waited with impatience for the volume of the 'Encyclopedie',
in which the article was inserted; to see whether or not it would be
possible to give an answer which might ward off the blow. I received the
volume soon after my establishment at Mont Louis, and found the articles
to be writte