deceive him in anything, and I certainly cannot
do it with having in my heart made an ill return for his goodness, but
solely with having sometimes done it with an ill grace, whilst he himself
accompanied with infinite gracefulness the manner in which he showed me
the marks of it. A few days afterwards he ordered a hamper of game to be
sent me, which I received as I ought. This in a little time was
succeeded by another, and one of his gamekeepers wrote me, by order of
his highness, that the game it contained had been shot by the prince
himself. I received this second hamper, but I wrote to Madam de
Boufflers that I would not receive a third. This letter was generally
blamed, and deservedly so. Refusing to accept presents of game from a
prince of the blood, who moreover sends it in so polite a manner, is less
the delicacy of a haughty man, who wishes to preserve his independence,
than the rusticity of a clown, who does not know himself. I have never
read this letter in my collection without blushing and reproaching myself
for having written it. But I have not undertaken my Confession with an
intention of concealing my faults, and that of which I have just spoken
is too shocking in my own eyes to suffer me to pass it over in silence.

If I were not guilty of the offence of becoming his rival I was very near
doing it; for Madam de Boufflers was still his mistress, and I knew
nothing of the matter. She came rather frequently to see me with the
Chevalier de Lorenzy. She was yet young and beautiful, affected to be
whimsical, and my mind was always romantic, which was much of the same
nature. I was near being laid hold of; I believe she perceived it; the
chevalier saw it also, at least he spoke to me upon the subject, and in a
manner not discouraging. But I was this time reasonable, and at the age
of fifty it was time I should be so. Full of the doctrine I had just
preached to graybeards in my letter to D'Alembert, I should have been
ashamed of not profiting by it myself; besides, coming to the knowledge
of that of which I had been ignorant, I must have been mad to have
carried my pretensions so far as to expose myself to such an illustrious
rivalry. Finally, ill cured perhaps of my passion for Madam de Houdetot,
I felt nothing could replace it in my heart, and I bade adieu to love for
the rest of my life. I have this moment just withstood the dangerous
allurements of a young woman who had her views; and if she fei