. Not knowing what
else to say, I proposed to her a kiss, which, in the innocence of her
heart, she did not refuse; having in the morning received one from me by
order of her grandmother, and in her presence. The next day, while
reading Emilius by the side of the bed of Madam de Luxembourg, I came to
a passage in which I justly censure that which I had done the preceding
evening. She thought the reflection extremely just, and said some very
sensible things upon the subject which made me blush. How was I enraged
at my incredible stupidity, which has frequently given me the appearance
of guilt when I was nothing more than a fool and embarrassed!
A stupidity, which in a man known to be endowed with some wit, is
considered as a false excuse. I can safely swear that in this kiss, as
well as in the others, the heart and thoughts of Mademoiselle Amelia were
not more pure than my own, and that if I could have avoided meeting her I
should have done it; not that I had not great pleasure in seeing her, but
from the embarrassment of not finding a word proper to say. Whence comes
it that even a child can intimidate a man, whom the power of kings has
never inspired with fear? What is to be done? How, without presence of
mind, am I to act? If I strive to speak to the persons I meet,
I certainly say some stupid thing to them; if I remain silent, I am a
misanthrope, an unsociable animal, a bear. Total imbecility would have
been more favorable to me; but the talents which I have failed to improve
in the world have become the instruments of my destruction, and of that
of the talents I possessed.

At the latter end of this journey, Madam de Luxembourg did a good action
in which I had some share. Diderot having very imprudently offended the
Princess of Robeck, daughter of M. de Luxembourg, Palissot, whom she
protected, took up the quarrel, and revenged her by the comedy of 'The
Philosophers', in which I was ridiculed, and Diderot very roughly
handled. The author treated me with more gentleness, less, I am of
opinion, on account of the obligation he was under to me, than from the
fear of displeasing the father of his protectress, by whom he knew I was
beloved. The bookseller Duchesne, with whom I was not at that time
acquainted, sent me the comedy when it was printed, and this I suspect
was by the order of Palissot, who, perhaps, thought I should have a
pleasure in seeing a man with whom I was no longer connected defamed.
He was