l. I slapped him on
the shoulder, and says I:

"Well, my ancient Talleyrand, how are we?"

The Conservative Kentucky chap gloomily placed his tumbler upon the
stomach of a gentleman in checked pants, who was calmly sleeping on
three chairs near the stove, and says he: "Kentucky can no longer blind
herself to the fact that we are on the brink of a monikky. Yes!"
exclaimed the Conservative chap,--wildly tearing off his hat, and then
putting it on again so that it entirely covered his left eye,--"Yes,
sir, a monikky with a Yankee for its Austrian tyrant!"

Here the Conservative Kentucky chap deliberately buttoned his coat to
the very neck, turned up his collar, and gazed sternly at a bowl of
cloves near by. I called his attention to the Ten of Spades, which was
edging itself down between his hat and his right ear, and says I,--

"Hast proof of this, Horatio?"

"Proof?" says the Conservative Kentucky chap, with such a start that
the gentleman in the checked pants vibrated as though sleeping on
springs,--"Proof? You know Smith,--John Smith,--that little apothecary
from Connecticut? Well, sir, he voted in this here last election for
the Austrian usurper, and now he's knighted! Yes, sir, by A. Lincoln's
recommendation he's now SIR JOHN SMITH!! I've heard him called so
myself. And this--this--is Kentucky's reward!"

At this crisis the Conservative Kentucky chap shut the stove-door with
great violence, and seemed for a moment to meditate personal outrage on
the young assistant oysterer, who had just arrived with the
coal-skuttle.

Before I could make rejoinder, my boy, there approached us a
middle-aged gentleman in a shocking bad hat and an overcoat very shiny
about the seams, who had cordially invited himself to take a little
something that morning, and had accepted the invitation with pleasure.
Straightening himself suddenly, with a violent start, to restrain an
unruly hiccup, or make me believe that he made the noise with his feet,
he eyed the Conservative chap with a benignant smile, and says he:

"You're mistaken there, sir,--muchly, sir, hem! Mr. Smith is my friend,
sir; my bosom friend, till time shall end.--Beautiful idea, that.--My
friend, I say; and he's only been appointed to the medical department
by recommendation of the President.--Let nature do her best, and then
your doctors are of use to men.--Byron.--Yes, sir, Mr. Smith is now a
military doctor; and that's how you've made the mistake. You thought it
w