ght him to give a paper to
his reverence. The servant read it, and told her his master had
something else to do than to mind her petition. "What is that you say,
fellow?" said the dean, putting his head out of the window; "come up
here directly." The man obeyed him, and was ordered to tell the woman to
come up to him. After bidding her to be seated, he directed some bread
and wine to be given to her; after which, turning round to the man, he
said, "At what time did I order you to open and read a paper directed to
me? or to refuse a letter from any one? Hark you, sirrah, you have been
admonished by me for drunkenness, idleness, and other faults; but since
I have discovered your inhuman disposition, I must dismiss you from my
service: so pull off your clothes, take your wages, and let me hear no
more of you."

PUBLIC ABSURDITIES IN IRELAND.

Among the public absurdities in Ireland, Swift notices the insurance
office against fire; the profits of which to the amount of several
thousand pounds, were annually remitted to England. "For," observes he,
"as if we could well spare the money, the society-marks upon our houses
spread faster and further than the colony of frogs; and we are not only
indebted to England for the materials to light our own fires, but for
engines to put them out."

SWIFT'S PECULIARITY OF HUMOR.

Trifles become of some consequence when connected with a great name, or
when they throw any light on a distinguished character. Spence thus
relates a story told by Pope: "Dr. Swift had an odd blunt way that is
mistaken by strangers for ill nature. It is so odd that there is no
describing it but by facts. I'll tell you one that first comes into my
head. One evening Gay and I went to see him: you know how intimately we
were all acquainted. On our coming in, "Hey-day, gentlemen (says the
Doctor), what's the meaning of this visit? How came you to leave all the
Lords that you are so fond of, to come here to see a poor Dean?"
"Because we would rather see you than any of them." "Ay, any one that
did not know you so well as I do, might believe you. But since you are
come, I must get some supper for you, I suppose." "No, Doctor, we have
supped already." "Supped already, that's impossible! why it is not eight
o'clock yet. That's very strange! But, if you had not supped, I must
have got something for you. Let me see what should I have had? A couple
of lobsters; ay, that would have done very well; two shillings: tarts