present at the wedding, and was let into their roguery; and assured
them, if they did not immediately apply to honest labor, he would have
them taken up and sent to gaol. Whereupon the lame once more recovered
their legs, and the blind their eyes, so as to make a very precipitate
retreat.

THE PIES.

Swift, in passing through the county of Cavan, called at a homely but
hospitable house, where he knew he should be well received. The Lady
Bountiful of the mansion, rejoiced to have so distinguished a guest,
runs up to him, and with great eagerness and flippancy asks him what he
will have for dinner. "Will you have an apple-pie, sir? Will you have a
gooseberry-pie, sir? Will you have a cherry-pie, sir? Will you have a
currant-pie, sir? Will you have a plum-pie, sir? Will you have a
pigeon-pie, sir?" "Any pie, madam, but a _magpie_."

SHORT CHARITY SERMON.

The Dean once preached a charity sermon in St. Patrick's Cathedral,
Dublin, the length of which disgusted many of his auditors; which,
coming to his knowledge, and it falling to his lot soon after to preach
another sermon of the like kind in the same place, he took special care
to avoid falling into the former error. His text was, "He that hath pity
upon the poor lendeth unto the Lord, and that which he hath given will
he pay him again." The Dean, after repeating his text in a more than
commonly emphatical tone, added, "Now, my beloved brethren, you hear the
terms of this loan; if you like the security, down with your dust." The
quaintness and brevity of the sermon produced a very large contribution.

A COURTIER'S RETORT.

While the prosecution for the Draper's fourth letter was depending,
Swift one day waited at the Castle for an audience of Lord Carteret, the
Lord Lieutenant, till his patience was exhausted; upon which he wrote
the following couplet on a window, and went away:--

"My very good Lord, 'tis a very hard task,
For a man to wait here who has nothing to ask."

The Earl, upon this being shown to him, immediately wrote the following
answer underneath:--

"My very good Dean, there are few who come here,
But have something to ask, or something to fear."

LYING.

Swift could not bear to have any lies told him, which his natural
shrewdness and knowledge of the world generally enabled him to detect;
and when the party attempted to palliate them, his usual reply
was--"Come, come, don't attempt to darn your cobwebs."

DR. SACHE