e constant demand on my stock
of animal spirits reduced them to the lowest state of exhaustion; at
times I felt--and, I suppose, seemed--depressed. To my astonishment, I
was taken to task on the subject by Mrs. --- with a sternness of manner
and a harshness of language scarcely credible; like a fool, I cried most
bitterly. I could not help it; my spirits quite failed me at first. I
thought I had done my best--strained every nerve to please her; and to be
treated in that way, merely because I was shy and sometimes melancholy,
was too bad. At first I was for giving all up and going home. But,
after a little reflection, I determined to summon what energy I had, and
to weather the storm. I said to myself, 'I have never yet quitted a
place without gaining a friend; adversity is a good school; the poor are
born to labour, and the dependent to endure.' I resolved to be patient,
to command my feelings, and to take what came; the ordeal, I reflected,
would not last many weeks, and I trusted it would do me good. I
recollected the fable of the willow and the oak; I bent quietly, and now,
I trust, the storm is blowing over me. Mrs. --- is generally considered
an agreeable woman; so she is, I doubt not, in general society. She
behaves somewhat more civilly to me now than she did at first, and the
children are a little more manageable; but she does not know my
character, and she does not wish to know it. I have never had five
minutes' conversation with her since I came, except while she was
scolding me. I have no wish to be pitied, except by yourself; if I were
talking to you I could tell you much more."

(TO EMILY, ABOUT THIS TIME.)

"Mine bonnie love, I was as glad of your letter as tongue can express: it
is a real, genuine pleasure to hear from home; a thing to be saved till
bedtime, when one has a moment's quiet and rest to enjoy it thoroughly.
Write whenever you can. I could like to be at home. I could like to
work in a mill. I could like to feel some mental liberty. I could like
this weight of restraint to be taken off. But the holidays will come.
Coraggio."

Her temporary engagement in this uncongenial family ended in the July of
this year; not before the constant strain upon her spirits and strength
had again affected her health; but when this delicacy became apparent in
palpitations and shortness of breathing, it was treated as affectation--as
a phase of imaginary indisposition, which could be dissipated b