ot see how I can do this consistently with the present
state of my mind. To be sure I have contracted my wants as respects
eating as far as seems possible to me; somewhat in dress, but not as
far as I should and can do. As for pleasures and many other causes of
expenditure, I trust I am not immoderate. In this part of the world I
do not see any prepared, congenial conditions. If I were in Europe, I
should find in the Catholic Church institutions which I could enter
for a time, until this period of my life would either fix itself
permanently, or give place to another in which I could see my way
more clearly. But here I am, and not in Europe. Some thoughts have
arisen in my mind, and I will state them, as to what may come at some
future time within the range of the possible:

"If I am joined to the Catholic Church, and there is such an
institution in Europe, may I not go there and live for a time? Ah! is
this possible?

"If we owned a spot of ground, I would be willing to go on it and
engage as much of my time as possible in cultivating and improving it.

"Lastly, I do not know what effect the advice and influence of the
Catholic Church may have upon my mind, and do have a slight hope that
I may find the exact remedy that I need in my union with her.

"I feel the assurance that if I follow the Spirit of God, and place
all my confidence in it, it will do for me what I dare not hope to do
for myself."

A day or two later he jots down, casually as it were, one of those
profound observations which are like pointers to his whole career.
Occurring at this early period, when, as the reader may see
hereafter, the germs of all his later thought and work were beginning
to unfold, they are like rifts in the darkness which seemed to
himself to lie about his future, and show plainly to the student of
his life how straight and secure his path was amidst it all. He had
been counselling himself to patience and entire reliance upon God's
providence while waiting the opportunity "to create or procure the
circumstances" necessary to the expression of his own individuality.
He felt that this was the especial task to which all men were called.
To use his own words:

"It is for this we are created; that we may give a new and individual
expression of the absolute in our own peculiar character. As soon as
the new is but the re-expression of the old, God ceases to live. Ever
the mystery is revealed in each new birth. So must it be to etern