was in the counsel he received there that he got courage
to gird himself for his renewed attack upon the languages, for his
delinquencies in this respect have the air of being the most tangible
of the matters on his conscience.

"I must prepare for confession this week," he writes on November 5,
1844. "Oh! would that I could accuse myself as I should. Man is not
what he should be so long as he is not an angel. Oh, dear God! give
me Thy aid, and help me in my weaknesses. What sins can I accuse
myself of now? First--oh, Love! give me light to accuse myself--to
see my sins. _This is my greatest sin; that I cannot accuse myself
and am so wicked._

"Each day I omit a hundred duties that I should not. Lord, give me
Thy Spirit, that I may be humble, meek, and sweet in all my walk and
conversation. Fill my heart with Thy love."

In a little while he found himself able to study more diligently, and
though he continually regrets the inroad this makes upon his interior
life, he seems not only to have persevered, but to have taken
considerable interest and an active part in the debates got up at
regular intervals by the class he had joined. He notes that he has
serious doubts whether it will be wise for him to express his full
mind on some of the subjects brought up. His fellow-pupils were all
Protestants, and some of them well-informed and talented young men.
His views would be new to them, and so would many of his authorities
for his statements of fact, and he thought it not unlikely that a
commotion might sometimes be raised which would not at all commend
itself to the teacher of the institution. He concluded, however, to
throw prudence to the winds, and on controverted points to express
his sentiments freely and frankly. There were some animated
discussions, no doubt.

He was endeavoring at this time to retrench his hours of sleep to the
narrowest dimensions compatible with health, and found it, we may
note, the most difficult of his austerities. In other respects they
remained severe, as this entry may witness:

"November 27, 1844.--I am sorely perplexed what to eat. Nuts, apples,
and bread seem not a diet wholly suitable, and what to add I know
not. Potatoes are not good; I think they were the cause of my illness
last week. I do not wish to partake of anything that comes even
remotely from an animal. Cooking, also, I wish, as far as possible,
to dispense with. I would I could dispense with the whole digestive
apparatu