,
it seemed that I lived for the most part independent of the body.

"It was about this period that God gave me the grace which I had long
desired and sighed after: to be able to act and suffer without the
idea of any recompense. I call it a gift, for although I had so long
wished and demanded of God the power to act and to love Him
disinterestedly, still I was unable to do so. I felt myself a slave
and hireling in the service of God, and this mortified me and made me
much ashamed of myself. But when this grace was given, which happened
unexpectedly, I could not forbear going immediately to my director to
express my joy of the favor I had received, and the freedom and
magnanimity of soul which it inspired me with. I do not mean to say
that the soul has no idea of any recompense, for she has it tacitly,
but this is not her formal intention in her actions; for she is to
such a degree animated to act for the good pleasure and sole glory of
God, that she quasi forgets all else. . . .

"Sometimes I have felt singularly present and in intimate communion
with certain of the saints, such as St. Francis of Assisi, St.
Bonaventure, St. Thomas, St. Peter of Alcantara, our holy father
Alphonsus, etc. During this time--and sometimes it is for many
days--the life, the virtues, the spirit with which the saint acted
occupies almost exclusively my mind. I seem to feel their presence
much more intimately and really than that of those who are around me.
I understand and comprehend them better, and experience a more
salutary influence from them than perhaps I would have done had I
lived and been with them in their time. . . . Twice I remember having
experienced in this manner the presence of Our Blessed Lord. While
this lasted I felt myself altogether another person. His heroic
virtues, His greatness, tenderness, and love seemed to inspire me
with such a desire to follow Him and imitate His example that I lost
sight of all things else. His presence excited in me a greater love
and esteem for the Christian virtues than I could have acquired
otherwise in years and years. . . .

"About the commencement of the second year of studies, during some
weeks my faculties were drawn and concentrated to such a degree
towards the centre of my soul that I was as one bereft of his
exterior senses and activity. Before the vacation I had desired to
pass that time in solitude and retreat, but it was not allowed."

We have omitted much of this singular d