to himself, may be partly gathered from the extract we are
about to give. He says he does not call such denial,

"in strict language, the denial of our true, God-created, immortal
self, but the denial of that which is not myself, but which has
usurped the place of my true, eternal, heavenly, Adamic being. It is
the restoration of that defaced image of God to its primitive divine
beauty, grace, and sweetness. We must feel and possess the love and
light from above before we have the disposition and power to deny the
body and the wisdom of this world. If we have the Christ-spirit, we
will fulfil the Christ-commands.

"Thus was it with man prior to his spiritual death, his fall. He
lived in and enjoyed God, and was in communion and society with
angels, not knowing good and evil. His life was spontaneous; his
wisdom intuitive; he was unconscious of it, even as we would be of
light were there no darkness. We should see it and be recipients of
all its blessings without knowing its existence. But darkness came,
and man knew. Alas! in knowing he lost all that he possessed before.

"Jesus came to restore man to that eternal day from which Adam fell."

About this time he mentions having spent a day in the woods with some
friends, at Fort Lee; it is the only allusion we find to any sort of
recreation or companionship with others. He sat alone for an hour, he
says, in a pleasant spot which overlooked the Hudson and the high
Palisade rocks, and "seemed to be in communion with the infinite
invisible all around in all the deep avenues of the soul."

Four days before his baptism comes this anticipation of it:

"New York, July 27, '44.--I have commenced acting. My union with the
Catholic Church is my first real, true act. And it is no doubt the
forerunner of many more--of an active life. Heretofore I did not see
or feel in me the grounds upon which I could act with permanence and
security. I now do; and on this basis my future life will be built.
What my actions may be, I care not. It was this deep eternal
certainty within I did wish to feel, and I am now conscious that the
lack of it was the reason for my inactivity.

"With this guide I ask no other, nor do I feel the need of the
support of friends, or kindred, or the world. Alone it is sufficient
for me, though it contradicts the advice of my friends and all my
former life. It certainly seems to me absolute: if any error arises
it will be from my disobedience."

"July 30.--The