helpless till he heard its tones harmonized by the
counsel of Bishop McCloskey. When he found that even with this
backing secured, the external obstacles to his plan proved
invincible, he was once more nonplussed. "If not this, what?" he
asks himself.

"I feel deeply and strongly that the circle of family happiness is
not sufficient for my nature, but what I can profitably do outside of
this I have not the ability to say.

"That our real wishes are presentiments of our capabilities is a very
true proverb, no doubt; but are we not most ignorant of what these
are? It seems as though we are all unconsciously educated for unknown
ends and purposes.

"I look upon myself as belonging to that class of decidedly
unfortunate beings who have no marked talent for any particular
pursuit. The words talent, genius, have for me no application
whatever. I stand on the confines of both worlds, not feeling the
necessity nor having the true valor to decide for either sphere.

"O heaven! why was this deep, ever-burning life given me, unless it
be that I might be slowly and painfully consumed by it? All greatness
is in the actor, not in the act. He whom God has blessed with an end
in life, can earnestly labor to accomplish that end. But alas for
that poor mortal whose existence only serves to fill up space in the
world! How excruciating to him to be conscious of this! O Prometheus!

"Simply to be what God would have us, is to be greater than to have
the applause of the whole world otherwise. All such statements as
this are necessarily one-sided. Because there are always good and
virtuous men in the world whose approbation is that of God.

"There is an instinct in man which draws him to danger, as in
battle-fields; as there is also in the fly, drawing it to the flame
of light. It is the desire of the spirit within, seeking for release."

"August 20, 1844.--Scarce do I know what to say of myself. If I
accuse myself by the light given me, it would lead me to leave all
around me. My conscience thus accuses me. And in partaking of worldly
things and going into the company around me, my interior self has no
pleasure, and I feel afterwards that the labor and time have been
misspent. How to live a life which shall be conformable to the life
wlthin and not separate from the persons and circumstances around me,
I cannot conceive. I am now like one who tastes a little of this and
then a little of that dish, while his time is wasted and his min