pleasant and a most instructive day.

A good spring gun breeds endless fun, and makes men jump like rockets--

And turnip heads on posts
Make very decent ghosts.

Then hornets sting like anything, when placed in waistcoat pockets--

Burnt cork and walnut juice
Are not without their use.

No fun compares with easy chairs whose seats are stuffed with needles--

Live shrimps their patience tax
When put down people's backs.

Surprising, too, what one can do with a pint of fat black beetles--

And treacle on a chair
Will make a Quaker swear!

Then sharp tin tacks
And pocket squirts--
And cobbler's wax
For ladies' skirts--

And slimy slugs
On bedroom floors--
And water jugs
On open doors--

Prepared with these cheap properties, amusing tricks to play
Upon a friend a man may spend a most delightful day.

_W. S. Gilbert._

TO PH[OE]BE

"Gentle, modest little flower,
Sweet epitome of May,
Love me but for half an hour,
Love me, love me, little fay."
Sentences so fiercely flaming
In your tiny, shell-like ear,
I should always be exclaiming
If I loved you, Ph[oe]be dear.

"Smiles that thrill from any distance
Shed upon me while I sing!
Please ecstaticize existence,
Love me, oh, thou fairy thing!"
Words like these, outpouring sadly,
You'd perpetually hear,
If I loved you fondly, madly;--
But I do not, Ph[oe]be dear.

_W. S. Gilbert._

MALBROUCK

Malbrouck, the prince of commanders,
Is gone to the war in Flanders;
His fame is like Alexander's;
But when will he come home?

Perhaps at Trinity Feast, or
Perhaps he may come at Easter.
Egad! he had better make haste, or
We fear he may never come.

For Trinity Feast is over,
And has brought no news from Dover;
And Easter is past, moreover,
And Malbrouck still delays.

Milady in her watch-tower
Spends many a pensive hour,
Not well knowing why or how her
Dear lord from England stays.

While sitting quite forlorn in
That tower, she spies returning
A page clad in deep mourning,
With fainting steps and slow.

"O page, prithee, come faster!
What news do you bring of your master?
I fear there is some disaster,
Your looks are so full of woe."

"The news I bring