use.

Oh, happy was that humourist--the first that made a pun at all--
Who when a joke occurred to him, however poor and mean,
Was absolutely certain that it never had been done at all--
How popular at dinners must that humourist have been!
Oh, the days when some step-father for a query held a handle out,--
The door-mat from the scraper, is it distant very far?
And when no one knew where Moses was when Aaron put the candle out,
And no one had discovered that a door could be a-jar!
But your modern hearers are
In their tastes particular,
And they sneer if you inform them that a door can be a jar!

In search of quip and quiddity I've sat all day alone, apart--
And all that I could hit on as a problem was--to find
Analogy between a scrag of mutton and a Bony-part,
Which offers slight employment to the speculative mind.
For you cannot call it very good, however great your charity--
It's not the sort of humour that is greeted with a shout--
And I've come to the conclusion that my mine of jocularity,
In present Anno Domini is worked completely out!
Though the notion you may scout,
I can prove beyond a doubt
That my mine of jocularity is worked completely out!

_W. S. Gilbert._

THE PRACTICAL JOKER

Oh, what a fund of joy jocund lies hid in harmless hoaxes!
What keen enjoyment springs
From cheap and simple things!
What deep delight from sources trite inventive humour coaxes,
That pain and trouble brew
For every one but you!

Gunpowder placed inside its waist improves a mild Havana,
Its unexpected flash
Burns eyebrows and moustache.
When people dine no kind of wine beats ipecacuanha,
But common sense suggests
You keep it for your guests--

Then naught annoys the organ boys like throwing red hot coppers.
And much amusement bides
In common butter slides;
And stringy snares across the stairs cause unexpected croppers.

Coal scuttles, recollect,
Produce the same effect.

A man possessed
Of common sense
Need not invest
At great expense

It does not call
For pocket deep,
These jokes are all
Extremely cheap.

If you commence with eighteenpence--it's all you'll have to pay;
You may command a