d humanity, I desire
you would come with a pistol in your hand, on horseback, and endeavour
to shoot me through the head; to teach you more manners. If you fail of
doing me this pleasure, I shall say, you are a rascal on every post in
town: and so, sir, if you will not injure me more, I shall never forgive
what you have done already. Pray sir, do not fail of getting everything
ready, and you will infinitely oblige,

"Sir,

"Your most obedient,

"humble Servant, &c."

From my own Apartment, June 6.

Among the many employments I am necessarily put upon by my friends, that
of giving advice is the most unwelcome to me; and indeed, I am forced to
use a little art in the matter; for some people will ask counsel of you,
when they have already acted what they tell you is still under
deliberation. I had almost lost a very good friend the other day, who
came to know how I liked his design to marry such a lady. I answered,
"By no means; and I must be positive against it, for very solid reasons,
which are not proper to communicate." "Not proper to communicate!" said
he with a grave air, "I will know the bottom of this." I saw him moved,
and knew from thence he was already determined; therefore evaded it by
saying, "To tell you the truth, dear Frank, of all women living, I would
have her myself." "Isaac," said he, "thou art too late, for we have been
both one these two months." I learned this caution by a gentleman's
consulting me formerly about his son. He railed at his damned
extravagance, and told me, in a very little time, he would beggar him by
the exorbitant bills which came from Oxford every quarter. "Make the
rogue bite upon the bridle,"[271] said I, "pay none of his bills, it
will but encourage him to further trespasses." He looked plaguy sour at
me. His son soon after sent up a paper of verses, forsooth, in print, on
the last public occasion; upon which, he is convinced the boy has parts,
and a lad of spirit is not to be too much cramped in his maintenance,
lest he take ill courses. Neither father nor son can ever since endure
the sight of me. These sort of people ask opinions, only out of the
fulness of their heart on the subject of their perplexity, and not from
a desire of information. There is nothing so easy as to find out which
opinion the person in doubt has a mind to; therefore the sure way is to
tell him, that is certainly to be chosen. Then you are to be very clear
and positive; leave no handle for scrupl