327] and More,[328] and Milton,[329] and the whole set of
intellectual triflers, torments me heartily; for to a lover who
understands metaphors, all this pretty prattle of ideas gives very fine
views of pleasure, which only the dear declaimer prevents, by
understanding them literally. Why should she wish to be a cherubim, when
it is flesh and blood that makes her adorable? If I speak to her, that
is a high breach of the idea of intuition: if I offer at her hand or
lip, she shrinks from the touch like a sensitive plant, and would
contract herself into mere spirit. She calls her chariot, 'vehicle'; her
furbelowed scarf, 'pinions': her blue mant and petticoat is her 'azure
dress'; and her footman goes by the name of Oberon. It is my misfortune
to be six foot and a half high, two full spans between the shoulders,
thirteen inches diameter in the calves; and before I was in love, I had
a noble stomach, and usually went to bed sober with two bottles. I am
not quite six and twenty, and my nose is marked truly aquiline. For
these reasons, I am in a very particular manner her aversion. What shall
I do? Impudence itself cannot reclaim her. If I write miserable, she
reckons me among the children of perdition, and discards me her region:
if I assume the gross and substantial, she plays the real ghost with me,
and vanishes in a moment. I had hopes in the hypocrisy of her sex; but
perseverance makes it as bad as fixed aversion. I desire your opinion,
whether I may not lawfully play the Inquisition upon her, make use of a
little force, and put her to the rack and the torture, only to convince
her she has really fine limbs, without spoiling or distorting them. I
expect your directions, ere I proceed to dwindle and fall away with
despair; which at present I don't think advisable; because, if she
should recant, she may then hate me perhaps in the other extreme for my
tenuity. I am (with impatience) "Your most humble Servant,

"CHARLES STURDY."

My patient has put his case with very much warmth, and represented it in
so lively a manner, that I see both his torment and tormentor with great
perspicuity. This order of platonic ladies are to be dealt with in a
peculiar manner from all the rest of the sex. Flattery is the general
way, and the way in this case; but it is not to be done grossly. Every
man that has wit, and humour, and raillery, can make a good flatterer
for woman in general; but a Platonne