gment seems not to have ever been
one of his natural faculties. This gentleman takes himself to be as much
obliged to be merry, as the other to be grave. A thorough critic is a
sort of Puritan in the polite world. As an enthusiast in religion
stumbles at the ordinary occurrences of life, if he cannot quote
scripture examples on the occasion; so the critic is never safe in his
speech or writing, without he has among the celebrated writers an
authority for the truth of his sentence. You will believe we had a very
good time with these brethren, who were so far out of the dress of their
native country, and so lost to its dialect, that they were as much
strangers to themselves, as to their relation to each other. They took
up the whole discourse; sometimes the critic grew passionate, and when
reprimanded by the wit for any trip or hesitation in his voice, he would
answer, Mr. Dryden makes such a character on such an occasion break off
in the same manner; so that the stop was according to nature, and as a
man in a passion should do. The wit, who is as far gone in letters as
himself, seems to be at a loss to answer such an apology; and concludes
only, that though his anger is justly vented, it wants fire in the
utterance. If wit is to be measured by the circumstances of time and
place, there is no man has generally so little of that talent, as he who
is a wit by profession. What he says, instead of arising from the
occasion, has an occasion invented to bring it in. Thus he is new for no
other reason, but that he talks like nobody else; but has taken up a
method of his own, without commerce of dialogue with other people. The
lively Jasper Dactyle[301] is one of this character. He seems to have
made a vow to be witty to his life's end. When you meet him, "What do
you think," says he, "I have been entertaining myself with?" Then out
comes a premeditated turn, to which it is to no purpose to answer; for
he goes on in the same strain of thought he designed without your
speaking. Therefore I have a general answer to all he can say; as, "Sure
there never was any creature had so much fire!" Spondee, who is a
critic, is seldom out of this fine man's company. They have no manner of
affection for each other, but keep together, like Novel and Oldfox in
"The Plain Dealer,"[302] because they show each other. I know several of
sense who can be diverted with this couple; but I see no curiosity in
the thing, except it be, that Spondee is dull, a