st demonstrate our affection for them by no certain proof but
hatred to one another, or come at them (only as one does to an estate)
by survivorship. This way of application to gain a lady's heart, is
taking her as we do towns and castles, by distressing the place, and
letting none come near them without our pass. Were such a lover once to
write the truth of his heart, and let her know his whole thoughts, he
would appear indeed to have a passion for her; but it would hardly be
called love. The billet-doux would run to this purpose:

"MADAM,

"I have so tender a regard for you and your interests, that I'll knock
any man in the head whom I observe to be of my mind, and like you. Mr.
Truman the other day looked at you in so languishing a manner, that I am
resolved to run him through to-morrow morning: this, I think, he
deserves for his guilt in admiring you; than which I cannot have a
greater reason for murdering him, except it be that you also approve
him. Whoever says he dies for you, I will make his words good, for I
will kill him. I am,

"Madam,

"Your most obedient,

"Most humble Servant."

From my own Apartment, June 14.

I am just come hither at ten at night, and have ever since six been in
the most celebrated, though most nauseous, company in town: the two
leaders of the society were a critic and a wit. These two gentlemen are
great opponents upon all occasions, not discerning that they are the
nearest each other in temper and talents of any two classes of men in
the world; for to profess judgment, and to profess wit, both arise from
the same failure, which is want of judgment. The poverty of the critic
this way proceeds from the abuse of his faculty; that of the wit from
the neglect of it. It is a particular observation I have always made,
that of all mortals, a critic is the silliest; for by inuring himself
to examine all things, whether they are of consequence or not, be never
looks upon anything but with a design of passing sentence upon it; by
which means, he is never a companion, but always a censor. This makes
him earnest upon trifles; and dispute on the most indifferent occasions
with vehemence. If he offers to speak or write, that talent which should
approve the work of the other faculties, prevents their operation. He
comes upon action in armour; but without weapons: he stands in safety;
but can gain no glory. The wit on the other hand has been hurried so
long away by imagination only, that jud