ishing to tell you anything about it?" we asked. We regret that we
cannot give his reply; only the incomparable genius of the painter of
_La Gioconda_ could do that.

A curious incident took place outside the Mansion House on Monday. In
the Agony Column of a famous two-penny newspaper on Saturday the
following announcement had appeared: "Will wate f. u. outsd. Mansn. Hs.
10-11 Mon. morn. Carry cop. _Times_ so I may no its u." A frantic lady
rushed at so many young and middle-aged men, exclaiming, "Horace! at
last we meet!" that long before 10.30 it was necessary for a kindly City
policeman to lead her away to a neighbouring chemist's for first aid.

* * * * *

"The fact that to-day is the 104th anniversary of the birth of
Mr. Gladstone prompts reflection as to the different ways in
which their birthdays have been regarded by some famous
men."--_Westminster Gazette._

_The Writer (as he finishes)_: "Got it in at last, thank Heaven!"

* * * * *

"A number of motor-cars, including one belonging to Mr. Lloyd
George, are blocked in the Snowdon district, and the sheep
farmers are much perturbed."--_Morning Post._

However, they can sleep soundly in their beds now, for he is back in
London again.

* * * * *

THE SLIT TROUSER.

(Whose arrival in England is reported in the photographic press.)

You who see advanced attire
Photographed for you to mock,
Hold your ridicule or ire,
Wax not scornful at the shock;
Let not your compassion freeze,
Hark to Archie for a bit,
Ponder, if you please, his pleas,
Patience, ere you slight his slit.

Long there raged a warfare grim
In the councils of the Nut;
Socks were all in all to him
Abso-simply-lutely; _but_--
Here's a problem for you pat--
How shall Archibald disclose
Through the thickness of the spat
Iridescent demi-hose?

Yesteryear that problem vexed;
One day spatted he would fare,
Lacking colour; and the next
Spatless, in chromatic wear.
No dilemma reads him now,
Bidding this or that to go.
See, his side-cleft bags allow
Spat and sock an equal show.

* * * * *

TACT.

[Illustration: Mr. Anchor always wears a moustache for the soup course
whenever his uncle, the general (from whom he has expectations), dines
with him.]

*