ld take some little time. You would want to wear
something to go on with till it's finished."

"There is," I said, "some force in that. Put the machine on me at once."

"The what, Sir?"

"The machine," I said. "The beautifully contrived, apparatus made of
ever so many wooden keys like the inside of a piano--only those are set
in circles. It fits close to the head and you can make it looser or
tighter, and when you've got it on you look like a Siamese king in his
crown. And when you take it off you tear out a piece of paper and that
gives you the exact measure to a hair's-breadth. Come, I'm ready."

His face relaxed into a serious kind of smile.

"Certainly," he said, "you shall have it on, Sir, if you like. But I
thought, being an old customer and your measure being known, it might
not be necessary."

"Very well," I said, "I'll give up the machine, but I don't see how I
can take any further pleasure in this purchase. Still, if you know me so
well----"

"We don't forget customers of thirty years' standing," he said proudly.

"That settles it," I said. "I will now buy four hats--a top-hat, a
bowler, a soft felt and a straw hat."

"Yes, Sir," he said, and from an upper tier he extracted a hat-box out
of which he shortly produced a top-hat and placed it on my head. It did
not fit at first, but fire soon reduced it to obedience.

"The others must be similarly treated," I said as I left the shop.

Unfortunately in the interval it had begun to rain and every taxi seemed
to be taken. You know what a new top-hat looks like after that. However,
with two hats to choose from, I am now ready to face Mrs. Latimer's
footman.

R. C. L.

* * * * *

"It has been arranged that the dinner which the Modern Languages
Association had intended to give to Professor Rudolf Eucken, of
Jena, on the occasion of his forthcoming visit to England to
lecture before the Association, shall be amalgamated with the
public dinner arranged by the Committee of Friends and Admirers
of Professor Eucken."--_Morning Post._

_Professor Eucken (at last giving way)_: "What _is_ this, waiter?"

_Waiter (confidentially)_: "Another little amalgamation, Sir. The Modern
Languages' ice pudding and the Friends and Admirers' soft roes on
toast."

* * * * *

PENNY WISDOM.

[Illustration: "In view of the grave importance of the present political
situation _The Times_