nothing so very awful in that. But what's the
matter with the old one?"

"The old one," I said, "is a blacked sepulchre, and even the black part
of it is not very good. The lining is of the sort that makes it
necessary to place it on a table with the opening down. Fortunate woman,
your hats require no lining and you don't take them off. You cannot
sympathise with my feelings. Such a top-hat as mine is good enough for a
Board meeting, but it cannot go to Mrs. Latimer's musical afternoon. Her
footman would despise me."

"Very well," she said, "get your new hat and have it ready for this day
fortnight."

The upshot of this conversation was that on the following day I went to
London, wearing my old top-hat, and called at Messrs. Hutchfield's, the
famous hatters. It is not a very large shop, but it is very high, and
something like a million white hat-boxes, each presumably containing a
hat, are stacked in gleaming tiers from floor to ceiling. The higher
ones are fetched down by means of a long pole provided at one end with a
sort of inverted hook. It is a most dexterous and pleasing trick, only
to be attempted by an old hand. An inexperienced practitioner would
certainly bring down an avalanche of hat-boxes on the heads of the
customers. On one side of the room there is a patent stove in which
several irons were heating, not for torture, but for the improvement of
hats. Several aproned attendants were bustling about, and one or two
customers with bare heads were eyeing one another with an exaggerated
air of haughty nonchalance, as who should say, "Observe, we do not wear
white aprons. We do not _belong_ to the shop. We are genuine customers.
We are waiting for our hats."

"Good morning," I said.

"Good morning, Sir," said one of the attendants; "what would you be
requiring to-day?"

"I think," I said, "it was a hat. Yes, I'm sure it was. A top-hat, you
know--one of your best."

"Pardon me, Sir." With a graceful and airy movement he whisked off my
old hat and took its measure in length and breadth.

"You mustn't draw any inference from the lining," I said. "I'm not
really as poor as all that. I've meant to have it re-lined several
times, but somehow I never brought it off. Still, it's been a good hat."

"Yes, Sir," he said.

"Could it be----"

"Oh, yes, Sir, we could re-line it for you and make it look almost as
good as new."

"Splendid!" I cried. "Then I shan't want a new one, shall I?"

"Well, Sir, it wou