sible"--(Gad, I should be a fool
if I _didn't_!)--"while I am ever sure of finding in him a
patient and sympathetic listener to all my trifling worries and
difficulties."--(_Two_ f's in difficulties, you little fool--can't you
even _spell_?) "Many a time, falling on his knees at my feet, he has
rapturously exclaimed, his accents broken by manly emotion, 'Oh, that
I were more worthy of such a pearl among women! With such a helpmate,
I am indeed to be envied!'" That _ought_ to do the trick. If I don't
romp in after that!--(_Observing that Mrs. M.-J.'s shoulders are
convulsed._) What the dooce are you giggling at _now_?

_Mrs. M.-J._ I--I wasn't giggling, MONARCH dear, only--

_Mr. M.-J._ Only _what_? _Mrs. M.-J._ Only crying!

THE SEQUEL.

"The Judges appointed by the spirited proprietors of _All Sorts_
to decide the 'Model Husband Contest'--which was established on
lines similar to one recently inaugurated by one of our New York
contemporaries--have now issued their award. Two competitors have sent
in certificates which have been found equally deserving of the prize;
viz., Mrs. CORNELIA GALAHAD-GREEN, Graemair Villa, Peckham, and Mrs.
GRISELDA MONARCH-JONES, Aspen Lodge, Lordship Lane. The sum of Twenty
Pounds will consequently be divided between these two ladies, to
whom, with their respective spouses, we beg to tender our cordial
felicitations."--(_Extract from Daily Paper, some six months hence._)

* * * * *

CRUMMLES REDIVIVUS!

[Illustration]

For some months Society has been on the tip-toe of expectation with
regard to the new Tragedy by Mr. SHAKSPEARE SMITHSON, which is to
inaugurate the magnificent Theatre, built at a sumptuous and total
disregard of expense by Mr. DILEY PUFF, a lineal descendant of the
great PUFF family, by intermarriage with the more recent CRUMMLES's,
expressly for the performance of the genuine English Drama. A veil of
secrecy has, however, been drawn over all the arrangements connected
with the new production. One after another the Author, the Manager,
and the leading Actors were appealed to in vain. Finally, one of
Our Representatives taking his courage in both hands, brought it and
himself safely to the stage-door of the new theatre, and knocked.
After some hesitation he was admitted by an intelligent boy, who,
however, at first seemed indisposed to be drawn into conversation,
though he admitted he had been engaged for the responsible post
of cal