many years has discovered"--(What are you shaking like _that_
for?)--"discovered no single weakness; no taint or flaw of character;
no irritating trick of speech or habit." (How often have I told you
that I will _not_ have the handle of that paper-knife sucked? Put it
down; do!) "His conversation--sparkling but ever spiritual--renders
our modest meals veritable feasts of fancy and flows of soul ...
_Well_, GALAHAD?

_Mr. G.-G._ Nothing, my dear; nothing. It struck me as well,--a trifle
_flowery_, that last passage, that's all!

_Mrs. G.-G._ (_severely_). If I cannot expect to win the prize without
descending to floweriness, whose fault is _that_, I should like to
know? If you can't make sensible observations, you had better not
speak at all. (_Continuing_,) "Over and over again, gathering me in
his strong loving arms, and pressing fervent kisses upon my forehead,
he has cried, 'Why am I not a Monarch that so I could place a diadem
upon that brow? With such a Consort, am I not doubly crowned?'" Have
you anything to say to _that_, GALAHAD?

_Mr. G.-G._ Only, my love, that I--I don't seem to remember having
made that particular remark.

_Mrs. G.-G._ Then make it _now_. I'm sure I wish to be as accurate as
I _can_. [Mr. G.-G. _makes the remark--but without fervour._

SCENE THE SECOND--_AT THE MONARCH-JONES'_.

_Mr. M.-J._ Twenty quid would come in precious handy just now, after
all I've dropped lately, and I mean to pouch that prize if I can--so
just you sit down, GRIZZLE, and write out what I tell you; do you
hear?

_Mrs. M.-J._ (_timidly_). But, MONARCH, dear, would that be quite
_fair_? No, don't be angry, I didn't mean that--I'll write whatever
you please!

_Mr. M.-J._ You'd _better_, that's all! Are you ready? I must screw
myself up another peg before I begin. (_He screws._) Now, then.
(_Stands over her and dictates._) "To the polished urbanity of a
perfect gentleman, he unites the kindly charity of a true Christian."
(Why the devil don't you learn to write decently, eh?) "Liberal, and
even lavish, in all his dealings, he is yet a stern foe to every
kind of excess"--(Hold on a bit, I must have another nip after
that)--"every kind of excess. Our married life is one long dream of
blissful contentment, in which each contends with the other in loving
self-sacrifice." (Haven't you corked all that down _yet_!) "Such
cares and anxieties as he has, he conceals from me with scrupulous
consideration as long as pos