s to pass through the
epiglottis into the oesophagus before the eater had time to enjoy the taste
(as was proved by experiment) and so all sense of pleasure was lost.

More prospective marriages have been marred through the abuse of asparagus
at table than through mixed bathing at Tunbridge Wells. For instance,
though the matter was hushed up at the time, it is an open secret among
their friends that Miss Gladys Devereux broke off her engagement to young
Percy Gore-Mont on account of his _gaucherie_ when assimilating this weed
at a dinner-party. It seems that he simply threw himself at the stuff, and
that one of the servants had to comb the melted butter out of his hair
before he could appear in the drawing-room.

The case of the Timminses, too, presents very sad features, though the
marriage was not in this case abandoned, the high contracting parties not
having once encountered a dish of asparagus simultaneously during the
engagement. Yet it is more than rumoured that when, at the end of the close
season, asparagus may be hunted, there is considerable friction in the
Timminses' household, because Mrs. Timmins plays with a straight fork,
while Timmins affects the crouching style.

Happily, however, a light at last appears to be shining through the
darkness. Under the auspices of the Vegetable Growers Association (Luxury
Trades section) an asparagus eating contest has been arranged to take place
in the Floral Hall early in July. As the entrants to date include a
contortionist and at least three well-known war-profiteers it is
confidently expected that some startling methods will be exhibited which
may revolutionise asparagus-eating in this country.

* * * * *

"DUNOON.--Sitting room and two bedrooms to let for month of Dunoon."--
_Scotch Paper._

We welcome the introduction of "rhyming slang" to brighten up the
advertisement columns.

* * * * *

[Illustration: PARADISE LOST AGAIN?

MR. ASQUITH (_to John Bull_). "OF COURSE MESOPOTAMIA IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE,
AND NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN ANXIOUS TO VACATE THE GARDEN OF EDEN; BUT YOU MUST
REFLECT THAT THE COST OF ITS UPKEEP HAS INCREASED ENORMOUSLY SINCE ADAM'S
TIME."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Lady of the Manor._ "HOWDY, BO? SIT RIGHT DOWN. I SURE HOPE
YOU'RE FEELING FULL OF PEP! EXCUSE ME, VICAR, BUT I'M PRACTISING A FEW
PHRASES SO THAT IN CASE I MEET ANY OF THIS