You merely exist--thanks to me--and pay. I have been told that I
once wrote a book called _The Old Wives' Tale_. If so, that was in earlier
days, and you have long since forgiven me. And do you not owe me something
for _The Pretty Lady_? Have I not shown you that your love is both sacred
and profane? As I have enough to contend with from those who care for
literature I hope any further word from me on this subject will be
unnecessary.

_Mrs. FLORENCE BARCLAY to Lord FISHER._

The phenomenal success of our recent volumes has, I understand, led a
certain section of our public to believe that you are the author of several
of my books. In particular it has been stated that _The Rosary_ was written
by your Lordship. As you know, I have a great respect for the aristocracy,
and I do not suggest that you have deliberately put yourself forward as the
author of my books. You will, however, understand me when I say that only
your Lordship could express all that I feel about the matter. The mixing up
of our identities is probably explained by the fact that we are both
stylists and seekers for the _mot juste_. Will you please assist me in
making it clear that we work independently? As I am staying in a country
parsonage and it is our custom to read one another's letters over the
breakfast-table, I shall be glad if any reply you may wish to make should
be sent to the Editor of _The Times_.

_Sir ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE to Sir OLIVER LODGE._

Our common concern with the life beyond has become so well known that our
interests in this present life are in danger of becoming involved. In a
volume of _Sherlock Holmes_ stories recently purchased abroad I find you
described as the author, and another book assures me that I have written
extensively on the Atomic Theory. You will, I am sure, see the harm which I
am likely to suffer through such mistakes. Nor does the confusion end here.
I find that my novel, _The Hound of the Baskervilles_, is now stated to be
by Sir CONAN LODGE, and another book of mine, _The Lost World_, to be by
Sir OLIVER DOYLE. Also I have seen myself described as "The Principal of
Birmingham University," and yourself as the well-known detective of Baker
Street. May I solicit your aid in helping me to suppress any further
confusion of our respective genii? My best wishes to you and the good work.

* * * * *

LABOUR-SAVING.

["Electric bore, one man, portable."--_Trade Journal_.]

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