hough not a scientific bean
I am occasionally seen
Scanning a technic magazine.

I love to learn of any wheeze
Wherewith to win by quick degrees
A rich sufficiency of ease.

And so it thrilled me to the core
To read the phrase, "Electric bore,"
And think of happy days in store.

In former times I'd often start
Abroad with eagerness of heart
To patronise dramatic art;

Only at curtain's fall to come
Homeward again, dejected, glum,
And overwhelmed by tedium.

With _ennui_ verging on distress
I'd witnessed from the circle (dress)
Some transatlantic HUGE SUCCESS;

Or else some play of Irish life,
Ending with father, son and wife
Impaled upon a single knife;

Or haply I had chanced to choose
Some even surer source of blues,
One of the things they call revues.

But now those times are passed away;
Electric bores have come to stay;
I mean to purchase one to-day.

I don't know how it works, but an
Authority declares it can
Be guided by a single man.

I have in mind a little niche
Beside my study window which
Will just accommodate the switch.

Henceforth abroad no more I'll roam,
But turn it on at evening's gloam
And yawn my time away at home.

* * * * *

OUR GO-AHEAD MUNICIPALITIES.

"Visitors to ---- this summer need not fear want of recreation, for the
Urban Council on Wednesday granted an application by Mr. ---- for leave
to place an additional donkey on the beach."--_Provincial Paper._

* * * * *

"Mr. Taylor, who had relieved Mr. Higgins, here had the misfortune to
see Seymour badly hit over the right eye on attempting to hook one of
his rising deliveries."--_Daily Paper._

SEYMOUR, we understand, sympathised warmly with Mr. TAYLOR over this piece
of bad luck.

* * * * *

[Illustration: MANNERS AND MODES.

DARBY AND JOAN (FOR THE PREVAILING EPIDEMIC SPARES NEITHER AGE NOR VIRTUE)
FAIL TO FIND THE WINNER OF THE 2.30.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: AT WIMBLEDON.

_Umpire._ "FORTY, THIRTY, SLASHER."

_Diana_ (_fresh from Ascot_). "PUT ME THIRTY SHILLINGS ON."]

* * * * *

A DOG'S LIFE.

The life of a public man is a dog's life. I don't know why a dog's life
should be the type and summit of unpleasantness in lives; for myself I
should h