ing the son of the house says,
"Try a little huia."

If you like the look of this specimen of Polynesian poultry you signify
your acceptance in the customary manner; otherwise, in parliamentary
phraseology, "The Oos have it."

For my own part I fancy that, unless or until some of these unusual
fowls are extinct, I shall not visit Polynesia, but rest content with
Purley. Our dinner-parties may be dull, but at least one knows one's way
about among the dishes.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Fed-up Owner_ (_to holiday Artist_). "CHARMING, MY DEAR
YOUNG LADY--CHARMING--WITH ONE IMPORTANT OMISSION. YOU'VE FORGOTTEN TO
PUT IN THE NOTICE ON THE TREE."]

* * * * *

A BALLAD OF THE EARLY WORM.

The gentle zephyr lightly blows
Across the dewy lawn,
And sleepily the rooster crows,
"Beloved, it is dawn."

The little worms in bed below
Can hear their father wince,
While, up above, a feathered foe
Is busy making mince.

In vain they seize his slippery tail
And try to pull him back;
It makes their little cheeks turn pale
To hear his waistband crack.

They draw him down and crowd around;
Their tears bespeak their love;
For part of him is underground
And part has gone above.

But not for long does sorrow seize
The subterranean mind,
For father grows another piece
In front or else behind.

And now he's up before the dawn,
Long ere the world has stirred,
And eats his breakfast on the lawn
Before the early bird.

* * * * *

WHEN THE YOUNG LEAD THE YOUNG.

"Lady Nurse or Nursery Governess (young) wanted for post near
Ventnor, I.W., for boy 21/2 years. Experience, similar age, and
happy disposition essential."--_Weekly Paper._

* * * * *

"Oxford, Tuesday.

The Royal Commission on Oxford and Cambridge Universities began
its Oxford session this afternoon in the Extermination Schools."

_Daily Paper._

_Absit omen!_

* * * * *

THE CONSPIRATORS.

II.

MY DEAR CHARLES,--The Third International is not a Rugby football match.
It is a corporation of thrusters whose prospectus announces that it will
very shortly have your blood, having first acquired exclusive rights in
your money. Have you two acres and a co