NTER,
ANYHOW."]

* * * * *

MIXED METEOROLOGICAL MAXIMS.

(_By a Student of Psychology._)

When the glass is high and steady
For domestic broils be ready.
When the glass is low and jerky
Then look out for squalls in Turkey.
When the air is dull and damp
Keep your eye on Mr. CRAMP.
When the air is clear and dry
On BOB WILLIAMS keep your eye.
When it's fine and growing finer
Keep your eye upon the miner.
When it's wet and growing wetter
'Twill be worse before it's better.
When the tide is at its ebb
Fix your gaze on SIDNEY WEBB.
When the tide is at high level
Modernists discuss the Devil.
Floods upon the Thames or Kennet
Stimulate the brain of BENNETT;
While a waterspout foretells
Fresh activities in WELLS.
When it's calm in the Atlantic
Gooseberries become gigantic.
When it's rough in the Pacific
Laying hens are less prolific.
When the clouds are moving _largo_
There is no restraining MARGOT.
When their movement is _con brio_
'Ware CHIOZZA MONEY (LEO)!
When the sun is bright but spotty
Diarists become more dotty.
When the sun is dim and hazy
Diarists become more crazy.
When the nights are calm and still
Faster travels GARVIN'S quill.
When the blizzard's blast is hissing
REPINGTON is reminiscing.

If you ponder well these lines
You can read the weather signs
In accordance with the rule
Binding both on sage and fool:--
_Anything in mortal ken
May befall us anywhen._

* * * * *

COMMERCIAL IMPORTUNITY.

"Services! Dozens other cars available, L1,500 to L50. Call and
insult us."

_Motor Journal._

* * * * *

MORE VISIONS OF THE UNSEEN.

"The roads are peculiarly situated, and are dangerous not only
because they are main cross roads, but also on account of the
hidden view they afford of each other."--_Local Paper._

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Teacher._ "AND WHAT DOES _ff_ MEAN?"

_Pupil_ (_after mature deliberation_). "_Fump-Fump._"]

* * * * *

THE DEVOTED LOVER.

["Loiterers will be treated as trespassers."--_Notice on Tube
Station._]

No longer laud, my Jane, the ancient wooer
Who for the favours of his ladye fayre
Would sally forth to strafe the evil-doer
Or beard the dragon in his inmost lai