Censor at Blankenberghe, in Belgium.

***

A tale from the Front. "The enemy are continuing to fortify the coast,
Sir," said the subaltern. "I don't care if they fiftify it," roared
his commanding officer; "it'll make no difference." This shows the
British spirit.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "BUT YOU AREN'T TALL ENOUGH."

"WELL, CAN I GO AS A DRUMMER-BOY?"

"I'M AFRAID YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR THAT."

"WELL, THEN--DASH IT ALL! I'LL GO AS A MASCOT."]

* * * * *

A Sensational Statement.

"General Smuts stated that there were in the field at the
present time, not including those training, more than ----
men."--_Daily Telegraph._

This is headed "South Africa's Forces," and may have been an actual
piece of news until it reached the Censor.

* * * * *

Another Impending Apology.

We read beneath a photograph in _The Graphic_:--

"Miss PAULINE PRIM--the cat in the Aldwych Pantomime, as she
is in real life."

* * * * *

The Troubles of Neutrality.

From a recent Geography Examination paper:--

"Holland is a low country: in fact it is such a very low
country that it is no wonder that it is damned all round."

* * * * *

A correspondent writes:--

"It is to be hoped that nothing further will be heard of these
various proposals to intern the KAISER at St. Helena. One
would have thought that there had been quite sufficient
desecration already of places of historic interest."

* * * * *

THE WAR-LORD'S NEW YEAR'S EVE.

KAISER, what vigil will you keep to-night?
Before the altar will you lay again
Your "shining armour," and renew your plight
To wear it ever clean of stain?

Or, while your priesthood chants the Hymn of Hate,
Like incense will you lift to God your breath
In praise that you are privileged by fate
To do His little ones to death?

Will Brother HENRY, knowing well the scene
That saw your cruisers' latest gallant feat,
Kneel at your side, and ask with pious mien
A special blessing on the fleet?

Will you make "resolutions?"--saying, "Lo!
I will be humble. Though my own bright sword
Has shattered Belgium, yet will I bestow
The credit on a higher Lord.

"What am I but His minister of doom?
The smoke o