of our
delightful friendship is still with me to sustain and comfort me in my
tribulations. I still have some of the letters in which you poured out
your heart to me, and when melancholy oppresses me I take them from my
breast and read them over and over again.

It is a joy to me to know that there is a firm alliance between my
brave Turks and your magnanimous soldiers. I doubt not that Allah, the
good old friend of the Turks, will continue to bless you and give you
victory after victory over your enemies. It is no less a joy to learn
how gloriously and how sagaciously you are conducting this war. They
tell me that your ships have bombarded the coast towns of England, and
that five or six hundred of the inhabitants have fallen before your
avenging shells. What matters it that these towns were not fortified
in the strict and stupid sense, and that there were many women and
children amongst those you slew? The towns _were_ fortified in the
sense that they were hostile to your high benevolence, and as for
women and children you need not even dream of excusing yourself to
_me_. These English are no better than Armenians. It is necessary to
extirpate them, and the younger you catch them the less time they have
for devising wickedness against the Chosen of Allah. As for women,
they need hardly be taken into account. In all these matters I know by
your actions that you agree. You must proceed on your noble course
until the last of these infidels is swept away to perdition.

May I condole with you on the loss of your four ships of war by the
guns of the British Admiral STURDEE? That was, indeed, a cowardly
blow, and it is hard to understand why it was allowed.

Farewell then, my Brother. Be assured again of the undying friendship
and admiration of the poor exile,

ABDUL HAMID.

* * * * *

KILL OR CURE.

[_Reports continue to reach us from our brave troops in the
field that they "never felt fitter," are "in the best of
spirits," and so forth._]

Have you a bronchial cough, or cold,
And is your ailment chronic
Past every sort of cure that's sold?
We'll tell you of a tonic.
Just wing our agents here a wire
And book "A Fortnight Under Teuton Fire."

Do you admit with anxious mind
Your liver's loss of movement,
And that in consequence you find
Your temper needs improvement?
Then leave awhile your stool or bench
And try ou