quite a lot
of money, of which it may with truth be said, "your King and Country
need you." How were these things to be dealt with, since we felt that
we could not keep them?

We found that no general treatment could be applied; we have had to
sort them out into groups, before deflecting them into the proper
courses.

_Books_ to hospitals. In this case the matron is asked to acknowledge
them direct to the original giver.

_Smoking Accessories_ (such as the newest pipe-filler and match-striker
and cigarette-case-opener and pouch-unfolder and cigar-holder-grip),
to the nearest male Belgian; and

_All other portable presents_ to the nearest female Belgian. (These
two classes may be neatly acknowledged in the columns of the _Courier
Belge_.)

_All larger presents_ (of the motor-car, pianola and sewing-machine
variety) to be sold by auction for the National Relief Fund. Marked
catalogue of the sale to be sent to the giver in proof of their safe
arrival.

Yours, etc.,
AN ORDINARY ENGLISHMAN.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Officer (instructing recruits in signalling)._ "DIDN'T
YOU GET THAT MESSAGE?"

_Recruit._ "YES, SIR: 'THREE TAUBS AND A ZEPLIN COMIN' OVER THE 'ILL.'"

_Officer._ "THEN WHY THE DEUCE DIDN'T YOU SEND IT ON?"

_Recruit._ "WELL, SIR, I COULDN'T 'ARDLY BELIEVE IT."]

* * * * *

"The Surveyor reported that the owners of the manure heaps by
the Recreation Ground Tennis Courts had by now been covered
over with seaweed, etc., thus complying with the Council's
wishes."--_Barmouth Advertiser._

We hope this will be a lesson to them.

* * * * *

The usual formula for beginning a letter is thus neatly rendered by a
Hottentot Boy:--

"As I have a line to state just to let you know that I am
still soluberious under the superiority of the Supreme-Being,
hoping to hear the same likewise from you."

We recommend it very heartily as a good opening for New Year's Eve
correspondence.

* * * * *

THE IMPERIAL INFANTICIDE.

It was a mighty Emperor
Of ancient pedigree
Who said, "The future of our race
Lies on the rolling sea!"
And straightway laboured to fulfil
His royal guarantee.

And when the Day had dawned, for which
He long had toiled and planned,
Unto his Grand High Admiral
He issued his command:
"Go fort