big hick at the gate,
'Ephus Doffus Loffus,' and pushes past him, I guess he was surprised at
me bein' a stranger and knowin' the ropes at that, because I seen him
lookin' after me when I beat it up the first stairway to the second
floor. I got a flash at myself in a mirror as I breeze past, and, if I
do say it myself, I was there forty ways. I was simply a knockout in
that evenin' dress thing! A swell-lookin' guy pipes me at the top of
the stairs and, after givin' me the once over, he taps me on the arm.

"'You may bring me a glawss of Appollinaris, my man,' he says, 'and for
heaven sake remove those yellow shoes!'

"With that he walks away and another guy comes up and whistles at me.
When I turn around, he's givin' me the up and down through a glass
thing he's got hung over one eye.

"'Bring up a box of perfectos at once!' he pipes. 'Come! Look alive
now!'

"Then I got it! _I_ thought I was knockin' 'em dead and these guys
thought I was a waiter! Well, I thinks, I'll show them boobs somethin'
before I take the air--I can pull that stuff _myself_! With that I
breezes into the next room and there's a hick sittin' at a table,
toyin' with a book. He was as near nothin' as anything I ever seen, on
the level! He's got a swell dress suit on, but it didn't fit him no
better than mine did me and it couldn't have cost no more or he would
have killed the tailor. Outside of the shoes, mine bein' classier, we
was both made up the same. A guy comes in, looks him over for a minute
and then he yawns. 'Bored?' he says. The simp that was sittin' down
looks back at him, yawns and says, 'Frightfully.' Then the other guy
bows at him and goes out. Some other hick wanders in and says, 'Ah,
Van Stuyvessant, bored?' and Stupid says, 'Frightfully' and the other
guy blows out. I seen that the coast was clear, so I smoothed my hair,
pulled down my vest and throwed my chest out like them other guys did.
Then I breezed in and stopped before this guy. He yawns and looks up
at me very dignified like he was sittin' in the Night Court and I was
up before him for the third time in a week.

"'Hey, Stupid!' I says. 'Get me a gin fizz and don't make it too
sweet! And for heaven's sakes get rid of that shirt!'

"I thought he was goin' to get the apoplexy or somethin', because his
face is as red as a four-alarm fire. Then he says,

"'Why--what--how dare you, you insolent puppy!'

"I leaned on his shoulder and tapped him on the