floor. It is even bein' whispered
around that the general, commodore or governor fox-trotted with the
girls from the Follies and one-stepped with such of the fair sex as
cared practically nothin' for the neighbors. Along about the time the
milkman was sayin', "Well, here's another day!", the well known
distinguished guests was actin' like a guy who knows a Harvard man
does, after they have beat Yale or vice versa.

One of them birds acts so dignified at the office all day that not even
the most darin' of his clerks would _think_ of a joke in the same room
with him. He'll breeze home on baby's birthday with a trick lion or a
jumpin' jack for the kid, and spend three or four hours on the
dinin'-room floor makin' it go, while friend infant wishes to Heaven
father would call it a day and commence readin' the papers, so's _he_
could toy with it for a while.

The rest of the family stands around and tells each other that the old
man must have a good heart at that, because look how he goes out of his
way to amuse the baby. Father growls up at 'em and prays that they'll
all go to bed, includin' the one that's just learnin' to walk, so's he
can be let alone to really enjoy the thing himself!

We're all babies at heart, and the reason most of us don't admit it and
give in to our childish desires is because we're afraid the people in
the next flat will think we're nutty or have found a way to beat
prohibition. Now and then some extry brave guy sneers at the neighbors
and lets himself loose, and shortly afterward a committee is appointed
to look after his money. Finally, he is shipped f.o.b. to some
sanitarium where a passin' nod from the head doctor is listed at
twenty-five bucks and where the victim is fed strange foods and tucked
in bed at the devilish hour of nine.

This is naturally very discouragin' to the rest of us which was about
to tear loose ourselves, so we sigh, growl at the universe--and lay off!

I feel sorry for the guys that have to have their comedy served up to
them in disguise, like lobster a la Newburg, for instance. These birds
claim they like stuff you got to study for five minutes before you get
it, and then at a given signal you pull a nice lady-like laugh, the
while remarkin', "How subtle!" You don't want to cackle too loud or
the people across the hall will get the idea that you're a tribe of
lowbrows, and it'll get said around that your great-grandfather was
known to go in hysterics over th