n a sorely tempted condition, fighting
with the powers of darkness and great voiceless monsters at night, so
that it is a horror to think of; you hunger and thirst for wine and
milk, and don't get them. It has gone so far with you. Here you stand
and haven't as much as a halfpenny to bless yourself with. But you
believe in grace, the Lord be praised; you haven't yet lost your faith;
and then you must clasp your hands together, and look a very Satan of a
fellow for believing in grace. As far as Mammon was concerned, why, you
hated Mammon with all its pomps in any form. Now it's quite another
thing with a psalm-book--a souvenir to the extent of a few
shillings.... I stopped at the pastor's door, and read, "Office hours,
12 to 4."

Mind, no fudge, I said; now we'll go ahead in earnest! So hang your
head a little more, and I rang at the private entrance.

"I want to see the pastor," said I to the maid; but it was not possible
for me to get in God's name yet awhile.

"He has gone out."

Gone out, gone out! That destroyed my whole plan; scattered all I
intended to say to the four winds. What had I gained then by the long
walk? There I stood.

"Was it anything particular?" questioned the maid.

"Not at all," I replied, "not at all." It was only just that it was
such glorious God's weather that I thought I would come out and make a
call.

There I stood, and there she stood. I purposely thrust out my chest to
attract her attention to the pin that held my coat together. I implored
her with a look to see what I had come for, but the poor creature
didn't understand it at all.

Lovely God's weather. Was not the mistress at home either?

Yes; but she had gout, and lay on a sofa without being able to move
herself.... Perhaps I would leave a message or something?

No, not at all; I only just took walks like this now and again, just
for exercise; it was so wholesome after dinner.... I set out on the
road back--what would gossiping longer lead to? Besides, I commenced to
feel dizzy. There was no mistake about it; I was about to break down in
earnest. Office hours from 12 to 4. I had knocked at the door an hour
too late. The time of grace was over. I sat down on one of the benches
near the church in the market. Lord! how black things began to look for
me now! I did not cry; I was too utterly tired, worn to the last
degree. I sat there without trying to arrive at any conclusion, sad,
motionless, and starving. My chest was much