just at a
rather difficult point in it, where there ought to be a quite
imperceptible transition to something fresh, then a subdued gliding
finale, a prolonged murmur, ending at last in a climax as bold and as
startling as a shot, or the sound of a mountain avalanche--full stop.
But the words would not come to me. I read over the whole piece from
the commencement; read every sentence aloud, and yet failed absolutely
to crystallize my thoughts, in order to produce this scintillating
climax. And into the bargain, whilst I was standing labouring away at
this, the constable came and, planting himself a little distance away
from me, spoilt my whole mood. Now, what concern was it of his if I
stood and strove for a striking climax to an article for the
_Commandor_? Lord, how utterly impossible it was for me to keep my head
above water, no matter how much I tried! I stayed there for the space
of an hour. The constable went his way. The cold began to get too
intense for me to keep still. Disheartened and despondent over this
abortive effort, I opened the door again, and went up to my room.

It was cold up there, and I could barely see my window for the intense
darkness. I felt my towards the bed, pulled off my shoes, and set about
warming my feet between my hands. Then I lay down, as I had done for a
long time now, with all my clothes on.

The following morning I sat up in bed as soon as it got light, and set
to work at the essay once more. I sat thus till noon; I had succeeded
by then in getting ten, perhaps twenty lines down, and still I had not
found an ending.

I rose, put on my shoes, and began to walk up and down the floor to try
and warm myself. I looked out; there was rime on the window; it was
snowing. Down in the yard a thick layer of snow covered the
paving-stones and the top of the pump. I bustled about the room, took
aimless turns to and fro, scratched the wall with my nail, leant my
head carefully against the door for a while, tapped with my forefinger
on the floor, and then listened attentively, all without any object,
but quietly and pensively as if it were some matter of importance in
which I was engaged; and all the while I murmured aloud, time upon
time, so that I could hear my own voice.

But, great God, surely this is madness! and yet I kept on just as
before. After a long time, perhaps a couple of hours, I pulled myself
sharply together, bit my lips, and manned myself as well as I could.
There must be