as military decorations or public
offices, and whatever else gains in value the more widely it is known,
should be conferred in public; on the other hand, when they do not
promote a man or add to his social standing, but help him when in
weakness, in want, or in disgrace, they should be given silently, and so
as to be known only to those who profit by them.

X. Sometimes even the person who is assisted must be deceived, in order
that he may receive our bounty without knowing the source from whence
it flows. It is said that Arcesilaus had a friend who was poor, but
concealed his poverty; who was ill, yet tried to hide his disorder, and
who had not money for the necessary expenses of existence. Without his
knowledge, Arcesilaus placed a bag of money under his pillow, in order
that this victim of false shame might rather seem to find what he wanted
than to receive. "What," say you, "ought he not to know from whom he
received it?" Yes; let him not know it at first, if it be essential to
your kindness that he should not; afterwards I will do so much for him,
and give him so much that he will perceive who was the giver of the
former benefit; or, better still, let him not know that he has received
any thing, provided I know that I have given it. "This," you say, "is to
get too little return for one's goodness." True, if it be an investment
of which you are thinking; but if a gift, it should be given in the way
which will be of most service to the receiver. You should be satisfied
with the approval of your own conscience; if not, you do not really
delight in doing good, but in being seen to do good. "For all that," say
you, "I wish him to know it." Is it a debtor that you seek for? "For
all that, I wish him to know it." What! though it be more useful, more
creditable, more pleasant for him not to know his benefactor, will you
not consent to stand aside? "I wish him to know." So, then, you would
not save a man's life in the dark? I do not deny that, whenever the
matter admits of it, one ought to take into consideration the pleasure
which we receive from the joy of the receiver of our kindness; but if he
ought to have help and is ashamed to receive it--if what we bestow upon
him pains him unless it be concealed--I forbear to make my benefits
public. Why should I not refrain from hinting at my having given him
anything, when the first and most essential rule is, never to reproach
a man with what you have done for him, and not even