. "Invade us 'ere?" he roared;
"Not bloomin' likely! Not on British ground!"
His nimble scissors left a row of scars
To point the prowess of our gallant Tars.

I bore it without movement, save a start
Induc'd by one shrewd gash behind the ear.
With silent fortitude I watch'd him part
The ruin on my skull. And then a tear,
A fat, round tear, well'd up from either eye--
O traitorous tribute to the local spy!

* * * * *

JULES FRANCOIS.

Jules Francois is poet, and gallant and gay;
Jules Francois makes frocks in the Rue de la Paix;
Since the mobilisation Jules Francois's the one
That sits by the breech of a galloping gun,
In the team of a galloping gun!

When the wheatfields of August stood white on the plain
Jules Francois was ordered to go to Lorraine,
Since the guns would get flirting with good Mr. KRUPP
And wanted Jules Francois to limber them up,
To lay and to limber them up!

The road it was dusty, the road it was long,
But there was Jules Francois to make you a song;
He sang them a song, and he fondled his gun,
Though I wouldn't translate it he sang it A1;
His battery thought it A1!

The morning was fresh and the morning was cool
When they stopped in an orchard two miles out of Toul,
And the grey muzzles spat through the grey muzzles' smoke,
And there was Jules Francois to make you a joke,
To crack his idea of a joke:--

"The road to our Paris 'tis hard as can be;
The road to that London he halts at the sea;
So, _vois-tu, mon gars_? 'tis as certain as sin
This wisdom that chooses the road to Berlin!"
So they follow the road to Berlin.

* * * * *

ENTER BINGO.

Before I introduce Bingo I must say a word for Humphrey, his sparring
partner.

Humphrey found himself on the top of my stocking last December--put
there, I fancy, by Celia, though she says it was Father Christmas. He is
a small yellow dog, with glass optics, and the label round his neck
said, "His eyes move." When I had finished the oranges and sweets and
nuts, when Celia and I had pulled the crackers, Humphrey remained over
to sit on the music-stool, with the air of one playing the pianola. In
this position he found his uses. There are times when a husband may
legitimately be annoyed; a