the happy times when I was once, even as you
are, a barrister who rose at 8.30 A.M. (an incredibly late hour), did
next to nothing all day and, when I wanted to go away, just went. I used
in those gentle days to take off my hat to ladies (a long-forgotten
habit), and I never dreamed of calling anybody "Sir." I used to suppose
that I should rise from stuff to silk, from silk to ermine, to conclude
as a Judge on the King's Bench. It seems now that I may rise from stars
to crowns, from crowns to oakleaves, and end my days as a commissionaire
in--who knows?--His Majesty's _foyer_. I, who had hoped to dismiss your
appeals, may come instead to hail your taxi at the theatre door; may
even come to call _you_ "Sir." But for the moment I am

Yours thoroughly disrespectfully,

HENRY.

* * * * *

Illustration: THE WAR ON GERMAN COMMERCE.

"We are glad to hear, Mr. Wilton, that you have volunteered for active
service. We are proud to know that you are ready to do your duty as a
Briton. We shall be pleased to keep your place open for you during your
absence. And, Mr. Wilton, you might take a few thousand of our circulars
in your knapsack to be distributed among the enemy in the regrettable
event of your being taken prisoner."

* * * * *

Illustration: RURAL LIFE UNDER WAR CONDITIONS.

OUR VILLAGE ERRAND-BOY.

* * * * *

THE TRAITOR.

"Down with the Teutons!" rose the people's cry;
"Who said that England's honour was for sale?"
Myself, I hunted out the local spy,
Tore down his pole and cast him into jail.
"An English barber now," said I, "or none!
This thatch shall never fall before a Hun!"

And all was well until that fateful morn
When, truss'd for shearing in a stranger's shop,
"Be careful, please," I said, "I want it shorn
Close round the ears, but leave it long on top;"
And, thrilling with a pleasant pride of race,
I watched the fellow's homely British face.

An optimist he was. "Those German brutes,
They'll get wot for. You mark my words," he said,
And dragged great chunks of hair out by the roots,
Forgetting mine was not a German head.
"Oh, yes, they'll get it in the neck," said he
And gaily emphasized his prophecy.

Ah me, that ruthless Britisher! He scored
His parallel entrenchments round and round
My quivering scalp