the ridiculous report
of a disaster to My army in France. I have ordered the fear of God to be
put into him.

Even I cannot be in two places at once, and I am too busy in exchanging
felicitations with My Creator in the background of Our western sphere of
operations to be able to give My benediction in person to the brave
defenders of My beloved Prussia. My lack of the gift of omnipresence has
always been rather a sore point with Me in My otherwise co-equal
relations with the Almighty. I hope in course of time to have this
corrected.

O. S.

* * * * *

THE NEW NOAH'S ARK;

OR, A WORD TO THE CHILDREN OF ENGLAND ON THE IMPORTANCE OF SEA-POWER.

[_As a part of our campaign to capture Germany's trade, it has been
suggested that Noah's Arks should in future be made in this country._]

Remove yon odious concern
That once outrode the mimic storm,
And deep in darkest shelves intern
Her captain and his pirate swarm:
Sweep, sweep, that _Dreadnought_ from the seas
Of England's carpets, if you please,
And set no more by two and two
On Sabbath days her bestial crew,
That mask with peace the Prussian uniform.

I seem to see the War-Lord's lace
Bedeck that bosom mild and stout;
Athwart yon patriarchal face
The Kaiser-like moustaches sprout;
The wideawake becomes a helm,
The staff a sword to overwhelm,
Hypocrisy stands writ and cant
On yonder pale-blue elephant
Tusk-less (Maud did it when Mamma was out).

What makes he with a lilac dove
This Corsair desperate and daft?
Behold the conning tower above
The big stern chasers pointing aft!
This is not he that saved mankind
With pards and pigs from tempests blind,
But rather he that forged a flood,
And not of water but of blood,
And filled with worse than wolves his impious craft.

But come, we'll build a larger boat
Of English breed, no Teuton shams,
Where sheltered animals shall float,
The lion couchant with the lambs:
See from the cabin's open door
What mild-faced dromedaries pour!
What SHEMS are these? what host arrives
Of gentler JAPHETS with their wives?
What antelopes? what un-Westphalian HAMS?

And sometimes, should the pageant cloy,
Supposing Nurse has left the room,
We'll take again that outcast toy
From the deep cupboard's inmost gloom;
We'll shell that bucca