if so will you make it widely known?

It would be dreadful if all the blackberrying parties during this
September and October were to be ruined by people like the Misses
Fressen.

I am, Yours faithfully,
FAIR PLAY.

* * * * *

Illustration: BY REQUEST.

_Visitor (to Percy of "The Mauve Merriments.")_ "WHAT WOULD YOU CHARGE
TO SING 'IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY' INTO AUNTIE'S EAR-TRUMPET?"

* * * * *

THE GREAT CAMPAIGN.

The formal declaration of war (altogether unexpected by the best minds
of the community, though the opposing armies had been mobilised for a
month previously), came like a bolt from the blue on September 1st. In
an instant the whole country was engaged in sanguinary conflict. We give
with reserve the following reports which have reached us from our
correspondents at the front:--

CIVILIANS IN THE BATTLE LINE.

On the north-eastern frontier a keen encounter occurred between the
famous Albion South End Corps and an invading division of the
redoubtable Cockspur troops. Fifteen thousand spectators from posts of
vantage round the field witnessed the fearful onslaught of the enemy.
Civilians were so moved by the imminent peril of the home troops that,
arming themselves with stones and bottles, and shouting "----" (excised
by Censor), they flung themselves on the wings of the invading army and
utterly routed them. It is rumoured that the Cockspurs contemplate
reprisals. In the event of the South End Corps invading their country it
is believed that all civilians will fight to the death against the
invader.

THE OLD BRITISH SPIRIT.

Thrilling scenes were witnessed at the opening of the Ealham Thursday
campaign. A huge crowd, thirsting for a sight of the conflict, gathered
in the confines of the battlefield. A force of blue-clad mercenaries
held them in check for a time. But thirty thousand volunteers are worth
more than a hundred paid men. With magnificent unanimity the Britons
formed in column. The dense black mass pressed forward. For a moment the
conflict was fearful. Then the thin blue line of the mercenaries gave
way and they fled in disgraceful rout. A moment later thirty thousand
unconquerable Britons, laden with booty from the pay-boxes, stood
triumphant on the shilling reserved mound. That wonderful charge had
captured the position.

OUTRAGES ON NON-COMBATANTS.

We record with deep regret a violation of the laws