hips
Have nothing on board but fish."

Then up spake a grizzled _Goeben_ lad,
"We be far from land or fort;
I should feel more safe if I knew we had
A battleship in support."

"There be six of us, and fifteen of them;
Have a care while the odds are thus;
We may rake 'em with shell from stern to stem,
But they might throw herrings at us."

The captain he said, "Take heart of grace;
There's many a risk to run;
A herring's an awkward thing to face,
But it's not so bad as a gun."

"My mariners all, be not afraid
To venture on bold designs;
Remember ye come of the stock that made
The North Sea stiff with mines."

"So clear the decks for a scrap, my braves,
Since fight ye must and shall,
Like sons of the men who rule the waves,
The waves of the Kiel Canal."

So all that day they fought and drank
Of the battle's fierce delight,
And blazed and blazed away till they sank
Those trawling boats ere night.

Then they steamed away, Yeo ho! Yeo ho!
Brave men who had gained their wish,
With lots of captives of war in tow,
And any amount of fish.

* * * * *

The Distinction.

"The members of the Cheltenham Club do not play on Sundays; the
ladies and gentlemen of the Cotswold Hills Club do play on the
Sabbath."--_The Homefinder._

* * * * *

Illustration: HAIL! RUSSIA!

* * * * *

Illustration: THE LAST OF THE NUTS OF SANDY COVE;

OR, HOW TO MAKE USE OF OUR STAY-AT-HOMES.

_Lady in the background (also engaged in making night-wear for the
wounded)._ "I SAY! I WONDER IF YOU WOULD BE SO GOOD AS TO LEND HIM TO US
WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED WITH HIM."

* * * * *

Illustration: THE RT. HON. JOHN BURNS FAILS TO RECOGNISE HIS PORTRAIT
AS PAINTED BY A GERMAN PRESS AGENCY ARTIST.

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

(EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.)

_House of Commons, Wednesday, Sept. 9._--Parliament met again after
brief recess. Compared with recent rushes at critical epochs, attendance
scanty. Among absentees the SPEAKER, who has well earned the holiday
deferred by exigencies of war.

PREMIER in place at Question time. Did not stop long. Expected to make
statement on position and prospects of Home Rule and Welsh Church Bills.
As his magnificent speech a