Confound
it, I didn't notice that little table was in the way. Why do people put
silly little vases of flowers on tables? Mop it up, will you? Of course
FRENCH is here. You must keep your eye on FRENCH. But----"

"What about these lines of communication?"

Henry paused. "Well, there's always the Belgians. I'm afraid we'll have
to move the piano. Just give it a heave at the other end, will you?
That'll do. Those pianola records are just the thing. No, not so near
together. So. Now you see how it works. The whole thing from here to
here moves sideways."

"Stop a bit," says Sinclair. "You're moving Paris sideways. Whatever
they may do to it when it falls--if it ever does--I don't think they'll
move it sideways."

Now that the Reverend Henry is no longer permitted to play with coals in
the drawing-room or make maps on the gravel he has found an outlet on
the breakfast-table. But he is not allowed to start till after the meal
is over, ever since he got down early one morning and had the whole
place laid out in army corps and fortresses, with a horrid tangle of
knives and forks, cruet-stands, rolls, egg-cups, plates and coffee-pots,
at the point where the main action was going on in the centre.

But he is not at all satisfied with the breakfast-table. He has to crowd
things terribly close together at one end in order to have room for the
Eastern theatre; and Posen (a toast-rack) keeps falling off the edge.

* * * * *

_The Kirkintilloch Herald_ describes the manoeuvres of a submarine
thus:--

"Without its presence being detected, it approached within a few
hundred yards of a German Dreadnought, at which it discharged two
torpedoes. In order to escape attack the submarine was then obliged
to sing."

Suggested song: "Get out and Get under."

* * * * *

"We will overhaul the chassis ... if you let us undertake the work
now. The War will probably be over by the time the Car is ready for
use."--_Advt._

We cannot decide whether this is an example of Commercial pessimism or
Military optimism.

* * * * *

Illustration: "MRS. SMITHERS, IF YOU ARE UNPATRIOTIC ENOUGH TO HOARD
YOUR FOODSTUFF, THAT IS A MATTER FOR YOUR OWN CONSCIENCE; BUT PLEASE
REMEMBER IN FUTURE NOT TO GIVE ME A HOARDED EGG FOR BREAKFAST."

* * * * *

THE PACIFICIST.

The Pacificist was very worr