home-support. His
family would, he knew, bitterly resent his taking the step; and in
regard to them, he was proud. Where Louise was concerned, of course, it
was a different matter: there, no misplaced pride should stand in the
way. She had ample means for her own needs; it was merely a question of
earning enough to keep himself. The sole advantage of the present state
of affairs was, that it might still be concealed; whereas even a secret
marriage implied a possible publicity; it might somehow leak out, and,
in the event of this, he knew that his parents would immediately cut
off supplies. If once he were independent of them, he could do as he
liked. He set his teeth at the thought of it. To no small extent, his
way was mapped out for him. Marrying Louise meant giving up all idea of
returning home. He understood now, more clearly than before, how
unfitted she was for the narrow life that would there be expected of
her. And even--if he had longed for approval and consent, he would
never have had courage to ask her to face the petty, ignoble details of
conventional propriety, which such a sanction implied. No, if he wished
to ensure her happiness, he must secure to her the freer atmosphere in
which she was accustomed to live. He must burn his ships behind him,
and the most satisfactory thing was, that he was able to do it without
a pang.

He racked his brains as to the means of making a livelihood. There was
nothing he would not do. He was more ready to work than ever a labourer
with a starving family at his back. But, having let every possibility
pass before his mind's eye, he was forced to the conclusion that the
only occupation open to him was the one he had come to Leipzig to
escape. He was fit for nothing but to be a teacher. All he could do at
the piano, hundreds of others could do better; his talents as a
conductor were, he had learned, of the meagrest; the pleasing little
songs he might compose, of small value. Yet, if this were the price he
had to pay for making her his wife, he was content to pay it: no
sacrifice was too great for him. And then, to be a teacher here meant
something different from what it meant in England. Here, it was
possible to retain your self-respect--the caste of the class was
another to begin with--and also to remain in touch with all that was
best worth knowing. As a foreigner, he might add to his earnings by
teaching English; but piano-lessons would of necessity be his chief
source of i