*

[Illustration: IT'S THE SAME MAN.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: SIDELIGHTS ON THE GREAT FOOD PROBLEM.

GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL ASCERTAINING WHETHER FOOD GIVEN TO FOWLS IS FIT FOR
HUMAN CONSUMPTION.]

* * * * *

VICARIOUS REPRISALS.

I never countenanced the Hun in any sort of way--
He always does what isn't done and won't learn how to play--
But never have I felt estranged quite as I do to-day.

Till now I've strafed him like the rest, as natural and right,
But now my spirit is obsessed by bitter private spite;
And if he wants to know the cause--no mail came up to-night.

The sun must plod his weary course, the long night wax and wane,
To-day's strong rumours lose their force for others as insane,
The ration cart crawl up once more before we hope again.

Who is to blame what man can guess? I do not want to know,
The U-Boats or the Q.M.S., the Censor or the snow--
It cannot modify the fact that warps my nature so.

Although I may not vent my spleen upon the stricken Mess,
Where fancies of what might have been add gall to bitterness,
I mean to cause _some_ sentient thing confusion and distress.

And who so handy as the Hun? I know what I will do,
I will prevent to-morrow's sun with avid zeal and new,
Betaking me to some O. Pip that gives a charming view;

Each Teuton nose that dares to lift above the tunnelled ground
Shall be saluted with its swift and dedicated round,
Till all the burrows of the Bosch with panic shall resound.

And by this wrath it shall be known when there is like delay,
Till far beyond my trembling zone pale Hun to Hun shall say,
"It's no use crying _Kamerad_--he's had no mail to-day!"

* * * * *

UNCHAINED.

"FIGHTING IN PORTUGUESE EAST AFRICA.

The gorgonzola column also fought a vigorous action, inflicting
great losses on the rebels."--_Evening Chronicle_.

* * * * *

"The standard ship now being built in British shipyards to make
good the loss of tonnage due to submarine warfare, is of about
8,000 tons, and all the ships already laid down are of identical
pattern.

Eight thousand tons seems to have been hit upon as a middle size
between 6,000 and 10,000 tons."--_Pearson's Weekly_.

A very good hit too.

* * * * *

From an Indian cinema advertisement:--

"'The Marble