d a number of women from a
tramcar that couldn't swim."--_Daily Sketch_.

The attention of the L.C.C. is respectfully called to this deficiency on
the part of its vehicle.

* * * * *

"A vessel of 30,000 tons may be sunk, but on the percentage
table, such as the Admiralty serves up to us, she occupies the
same relative position as a one-ton yawl returning with a load of
kippers."--_Mr. E. Ashmead-Bartlett in "The Sunday Times."_

Inquiries as to the locality of the kipper fishing-grounds should be
addressed to our contemporary. We ourselves hear that it is in the
neighbourhood of the fried whitings.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Anxious voice_ (_from motor-launch_). "I SAY, CAN YOU
TELL ME EXACTLY WHERE I AM?"

_Commander of destroyer_. "YES, DEAR OLD THING. YOU'RE IN THE NORTH
SEA."]

* * * * *

TO SMITH IN MESOPOTAMY.

Master of Arts, how is it with you now?
Our spires stand up against the saffron dawn
And Isis breaks in silver at the prow
Of many a skiff, and by each dewy lawn
Purple and gold the tall flag-lilies stand;
And SHELLEY sleeps above his empty tomb
Hard by the staircase where you had your room,
And all the scented lilacs are in bloom,
But you are far from this our fairy-land.

Your heavy wheel disturbs the ancient dust
Of empires dead ere Oxford saw the light.
Those flies that form a halo round your crust
And crawl into your sleeping-bag at night--
Their grandsires drank the blood of NADIR SHAH,
And tapped the sacred veins of SULEYMAN;
There flashed dread TIMOUR'S whistling yataghan,
And soothed the tiger ear of GENGHIZ KHAN
The cream of Tartary's battle-drunk "Heiyah!"

And yonder, mid the colour and the cries
Of mosque and minaret and thronged bazaars
And fringed palm-trees dark against the skies
HARUN AL RASCHID walked beneath the stars
And heard the million tongues of old Baghdad,
Till out of Basrah, as the dawn took wing,
Came up the laden camels, string on string;
But now there is not left them anything
Of all the wealth and wisdom that they had.

Somehow I cannot see you, lean and browned,
Chasing the swart Osmanli through the scrub
Or hauling railroad ties and "steel mild round"
Sunk in the sands of Irak to the hub,
Heaping coarse oaths on Mesopotamy;
But rather strewn in gentlemanly ease
In some cool _serdab_ or beneath th