same connection a member of the Ladies' Kennel Club writes: "I
let them take my husband for their horrid old War without grumbling, but
when they tell me that poor little Nanki-Poo can't have his
ostrich-feather pillow to lie on I think it is too much!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Midget_ (_as he comes to_). "I expect the War's been a
bit bad for your regular business, Mister?"

_Second_. "Not it. The boot-makin' trade's as good as ever."

_Midget._ "Oh, you're a boot-maker, are you? Funny--I made certain you
was a cab-washer."]

* * * * *

"The profits of the Bradford Dyers' Association exceed the most
sanguinary expectations."

_Morning Paper_.

The influence of the War, again.

* * * * *

S.P.C.A., please note.

"Dogs are generally from 9 to 18 inches long and the teeth from
3 to 8 inches long; the service pattern are from 12 to 15 inches
long with 6 inch teeth. For straight dogs the ends of the teeth
should be slightly further apart than at their root. Dogs when
heated red-hot can be twisted till their teeth make any required
angle with each other, generally a right angle; they are then
known as skew dogs."

_Military Engineering_.

* * * * *

"The offensive eggs were first placed in a mangle, and the slow,
crude, and obnoxious process was gone through of crushing them.
The pugnacity of the smell arising from this progress became
appalling."--_Grocers' Journal_.

Fit to knock one down, in fact.

* * * * *

"Lady, 45, domesticated, Protestant, furniture, wishes
Correspondence with Respectable Widower and Bachelor; view
matrimony."--_Southport Visitor_.

One of the two gentlemen will have to be content with the furniture.

* * * * *

A CURE FOR DEPRESSION.

Moments there are of transient gloom
When life for me appears to lose
Its rosy aspect and assume
The turnip's pessimistic hues;
As when o' mornings, gazing out
Across my patch of fog-grey river,
I feel a twinge of poor man's gout
Or else a touch of liver;

Or when, forgetting WATTS'S rhymes
On puppy-dogs that bark and bite,
_The Westminster_ attacks _The Times_,
Starting a most unseemly fight;
Or when I find some Labo