ttima_ publishes details of a new German
ironclad, which is claimed to be totally unsinkable.... It is
said to be a Dreadnought-cruiser, fitted with triple skins of
armour, stuffed with non-resisting material."--_Times._

It sounds like one of our conscientious objectors.

* * * * *

"The albatross--its docility was charming--soon occupied a
splendid isolation on the tarpaulined covered hatchway
platform.... I shall in future read Keats' 'Ancient Mariner'
with an accentuated interest."

_Natal Witness._

COLERIDGE'S "Ode to a Nightingale" was rejected as dealing with the
wrong bird.

* * * * *

"Young Lady-Attendant for Allies' Rifle Range, to replace one
getting married; the 3rd in 12 months doing the same; good
remuneration, and comfortable job."--_Glasgow Citizen._

Bow and arrow or .303, Cupid's markmanship remains unerring.

* * * * *

"The Man who dined at Krupp's and worked with the Kaiser."

_Morning Paper Heading_.

The _menu_ at KRUPP'S is not given, but was probably some form of pig.

* * * * *

Another Impending Apology.

"SCOTCH NURSES IN SERBIA.

GERMAN DOCTOR'S IMPRESSIONS.

'VERY FORBIDDING.'"

_Egyptian Gazette._

* * * * *

From a notice of a recent novel:--

"The present reviewer's pen cleaves to the roof of his mouth
when he tries to describe it."--_Evening Standard._

That should teach him to get rid of the nasty habit of sucking the nib.

* * * * *

[Illustration: MULE HUMOUR.]

[Illustration: "He's kicked the Corporal!"]

[Illustration: "He's kicked the Vet.!!"]

[Illustration: "He's kicked the Transport Officer!!!"]

[Illustration: "He's kicked the Colonel!!!!"]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks.)

I think I never read a story that impressed me as more untimely than
this to which Mr. IVOR BROWN has given the title of _Security_ (SECKER).
It is about an Oxford Don, one _John Grant_, who became, as others have
become, irked by the placid routine of Senior Common-Room existence, and
yearned for adventure. So he came to London, and got his first dose of
it as a labour-agitator and backer of strikes. I suppose that the
atmosphere o