l him until he finds out that
he is not the whole business. If that were done occasionally by society
you wouldn't find so many men looking over the common people. It would
take the starch out of some people to feel that if they put on too
many airs they would be liable to have a boot hit them any time. Lodges
sometimes make good men out of the worst material. In some lodges the
Prince of Wales would have to walk turkey right beside a well-digger,
and it would do the prince good and not hurt the well-digger. But if I
was in your place I would not join a lodge yet. Try the Salvation Army
first," and Uncle Ike got up and went to the window, and listened to
the bugle and bass drum and tambourine of the army as it passed on its
nightly round.

"That Salvation army makes me tired," said the red-headed boy, as he
reached for his putty blower. "Going around the streets palming that
noise off on the public for music, and scaring horses, and taking up a
collection, and singing out of tune. Say, I'll bet I can blow a chunk
of putty into that girl's bonnet and make her jump like a box car in
a collision," and the boy opened the window and was taking aim at the
tambourine girl's bonnet when Uncle Ike reached out and took the putty
blower away from him and said:

[Illustration: It does not take opera music to get people to heaven 027]

"Don't ever worry those poor people, or let any other boy bother them
when you are around. They are entitled to the respect of all good
people. It does not take opera music to get people to heaven. Even that
wretched music they give so freely, may turn some poor wretch from
the wrong to the right way, and a poor devil who becomes a follower of
Christ from practicing following the Salvation army is just as welcome
in heaven as though he went to church with a four-in-hand and listened
to a heavenly choir that is paid a hundred dollars per. It does not seem
possible to some rich people that St. Peter is going to extend the glad
hand to a dockwolloper, and let the rich man stand out in the cold until
he tells how he used his money on earth, whether to oppress the poor or
to make them glad. Lots of men are going to be fooled thinking they are
going to get inside the pearly gates on the strength of their money, but
some of them may have to be vouched for by a Salvation army lassie. So,
boy, if you love your old uncle, always respect the religion of every
soul on earth, and don't fire putty at any girl's b