either freeze to death, or die of
disease, or starve to death, and that every trail in Alaska is marked
with graves of just such fools as you boys. Tell them that they can make
more money selling picture books at a blind asylum, or tin trumpets at
a deaf and dumb school, than they could by digging gold in the Klondike,
and that you are going to stay home. Now take off that uniform and get
down on your knees and rub my feet dry," and the old man drew one foot
out of the tub and rested it on the edge, while the boy took a Turkish
towel that looked like a piece of tripe, and began polishing the foot,
like a bootblack.

"Gosh, but one of your feet would make about six the size of my girl's
feet," said the boy, as he fixed the old man up, and helped him onto a
lounge, where he stretched out and went to sleep. For an hour the boy
watched the old man, and listened to his snore, and finally he got a
gutta-percha bug out of his fishing tackle, and when Uncle Ike woke up
and began to stretch the boy said: "Uncle Ike, I have saved your life.
This kissing bug was just ready to pounce, on you, and poison you, when
I grabbed it and killed it. See!" and he held up the bug.

"Yes, I see," said Uncle Ike, as he rubbed his eyes, and looked at the
kissing bug. "You examine it close, right by the tail, and you will find
a trout hook. I used to catch a great many trout with that bug," and
Uncle Ike got up and stretched his limbs, and found that his cold was
gone, and he was well enough, and he dressed himself and began to act
natural, and after the boy had looked him over, and marveled at the
sudden cure, he said:

"Uncle Ike, you have deceived me. I thought you was on your last legs,
and I was going to have a serious talk with you. Heretofore, when I have
tried to talk serious with you, you have turned everything into fun, but
now I want a serious opinion from you. What would you think of my going
out on a farm and learning to be a farmer? I ride by farms and see
farmers and boys at work, or lying in the shade, or drinking out of a
jug, or sitting on loads of hay, or riding a horse plowing corn, and it
seems to me they have an easy life, and they must make money; and if I
can't enlist to fight Filipinos, nor go to the Klondike, I want to be
a farmer. What do you think, Uncle Ike?" and the boy looked up into the
old man's face appealingly.

"Well, bring back that pipe and terbacker, and I will tell you all
about farming, for I was brung